It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24
All of us do things that annoy our spouse. Occasionally, we do things that hurt our spouse and vice versa. How do we communicate about these situations? Is it effective to tell them what they have done wrong? Is that what the scriptures tell us to do? In this episode, we discuss what it means to take “extreme ownership” of our own actions and emotions before trying to “fix” your spouse. We believe that the key to a strong marriage is finding how you can support each other on the road to heaven - and that means having the humility to see your own weaknesses first and embracing them. Once you have sought forgiveness and healed the relationship, then a conversation about how things could have gone differently can be more productive. Listen in to hear how you can move more intentionally towards unity through communication and forgiveness.
Couples need to take the principles of “gentle parenting” and apply them to each other! Skills like expressing empathy, giving guidance, and articulating feelings are all needed in marriage.
When you correct someone, you put yourself above them. This is appropriate in a parent/child relationship, or even a boss/employee relationship, but really not in marriage where you have two equals.
We can help our spouses to be self-reflective about situations by asking questions that can help them think about what they wanted the outcome to be and what actually happened.
What can I do better to help you in areas that you want to grow in?
Who is challenging me? Who do I look to as an example, as a mentor to progress in holiness?
How can my spouse help me?
“You can learn many things from toddlers! For example, how much patience you actually have.”
-Anonymous
One blessing of having ten kids is that we have matured and learned enough about kids to appreciate the toddler years of children #9 and 10 much more than those years with children #1 and 2. Our advice to parents of toddlers is to start by enjoying them! It’s hard to do when they are destroying your house and embarrassing you in public, but with a few strategies and consistency on your part, you can begin to see that this little bundle of creative energy has been amazingly designed by the Divine Creator. It’s all part of His plan to get this child to adulthood and independence, and to get you to heaven!
All children need to be delighted in, but especially the young child! Take time to relax and enjoy them.
Toddlers challenge us to begin saying “yes” to them and their needs and “no” to our own desires. This is the great vocation of parenting!
Giving choices is good, but don’t burden them by giving them too many choices.
When they are having a tantrum, the question you should ask yourself is “what is the need here?” and then choose to respond NOT react. Through your calmness you are teaching them that you are in charge and they are not.
Routine and stability are key! When they have a natural flow to their day that is predictable they can tend to be more peaceful.
What are our natural responses to our toddlers? What do we think about that?
What are our toddlers emotional outbursts like? What triggers them? How can we respond?
What is our normal routine for our children? Is this working for them?
What do we do with our toddlers at mass? Is this is a good plan?
Notes:
Welcome His Heart: https://welcomehisheart.com/
MFP 165: Forgiveness Brings Freedom and Transformation
Videos - Evangelizing Your Kids and Forgiveness in the Family https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/pizza-and-parenting/watch/
Parents must be very intentional about evangelizing their children and bringing them into a relationship with Christ.
Marriage is a sacrament of service to the world. Our marriages are not just for us, they are an office of service.
Every mother and father is to act as “priests of the home” and take up the spiritual authority God has given them for the sake of their children.
Forgiveness is key to restoring relationships that have been broken and can teach children powerful lessons on relationships.
In order to transform your family you will need to start with these three things - create habits to support your goals, make Jesus the king of your home, and build community to support your family.
How are we leading together in the home? Have we taken up that call to spiritual leadership?
What is my understanding of forgiveness? How can we live this out better within our home and our relationships?
How is our marriage serving others? How are we giving from the well of our sacrament?
What are 2 resolutions that we can make today to start living a transformed family life?
“You and your spouse are a team that GOD wants together!” - Art and LaraineBennett
The first step in creating a dynamic family is to know the people who are in it! That starts with knowing yourself, then your spouse, and then your children. One of the tools that we love using for this knowledge is the classic four temperaments - choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic. The leading Catholic authors on the temperaments are Art and Laraine Bennett, authors of the book The Temperament God Gave You and many other great resources! In this conversation we pepper them with questions about what the temperaments are, why knowing the temperaments are important, and how they can change your parenting. This podcast is FULL of great tips and resources of parents of any age. Listen in!
Temperaments are only ONE aspect of our personality. Many things make each one of us unique.
Temperaments are part of the wisdom of the ancients, but they also have been extensively studied in modern psychology
Your temperament is the way you REACT. Knowing our temperament helps us to learn how to RESPOND to others in love.
As a parent, knowing our children’s temperaments helps because we can teach them how to mature by focusing on their strengths and helping them process their weaknesses.
When we react we will fly, fight, or freeze. Learning the “art of the pause” will help us respond in love and get out of “reaction mode”.
You and your spouse can help each other by knowing your gifts and giving each other alternatives to handling difficult situations.
Take the quiz at https://temperamentquiz.com and link your account with your spouse.
Observe your children this week. During a date night, talk about the temperament of each child and how you can encourage their strengths.
What are our gifts as a couple? How can we better use them for the good of our children?
Your authority in the family does not come from perfection, it comes as a grace from your parenthood.
There are two kinds of families - those that are frantic and those that are fruitful. As Catholics we have an incredible grace to be fruitful families, but often our families don’t look much different than the secular, frantic families around us! How can we live family life differently? There are so many different parenting philosophies out there. Which ones should Catholics follow? In this podcast, we give an overview of The Catholic Parenting Course - a guide for parents who want to have a roadmap for raising their families to be in the world, but not of the world. The two parts of this podcast are how to parent like God the Father and then the secret weapon of the Catholic family (our regular listeners can guess what that is!). Listen in!
Book: Abba’s Heart
Podcast: MFP096 and 097, Elements of a Family Culture and Building a Family Culture
To parent like God the Father, we need to start by conforming our hearts to His.
Unity within your marriage needs to flow out and encompass everyone, all of your children giving them purpose and belonging.
More than anything else, our children need us to delight in them.
Forming the hearts of our children is our sacred task. Our goal should be to hand over the locus of control from us as parents to them.
When lived intentionally, the culture within your home can be a powerful weapon against secular forces arrayed against us.
Do we see our Heavenly Father as delighting in us? Why or why not?
On a continuum from isolation to oneness, where are we now? How unified are we in our home?
What does it mean to delight in our children? What does that look like for each of us, realizing that we will do this differently?
What are the values that our family culture is communicating to our children?
Summary:
In this episode, we explore several listener's questions about how to manage friendships when personal values differ, particularly in situations where children are involved. Mike and Alicia are joined by their daughter, Katie to dive into the challenge of maintaining friendships with those whose lifestyle choices may conflict with Catholic teaching, while still modeling love and compassion for others. The conversation focuses on how to love the person, hold true to your beliefs, and balance protecting your family’s moral development.
Couple Discussion Questions:
How can you love friends or family members who hold values different from your own while protecting your children’s development?
How do you explain complex adult relationships to your children in a way that aligns with your values?
What boundaries do you set when it comes to relationships that conflict with your beliefs?
Resources:
For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/
Beauty resets our compass. It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. ~ Andrew Peterson
Our children will grow no matter what, but how they grow and what they learn is heavily dependent on their environment. Parents can shape the world of their children to include beauty, freedom of artistic expression, and space to wonder. In this podcast, we talk to Andrew Peterson, singer, songwriter, author, father and now grandfather. Over the last 25 years, Andrew has used his creative talents in the world of music and fantasy books for kids. He has done this out of the firm belief in the power of art to commuicate eternal truths and draw people into relationship with God. Our family has been blessed by his work over the past 25 years and we hope that all our families will be too!
Parents need to shape the world to be beautiful for their children. Beauty evangelizes even to the very young child. Art, in all its expressions, is essential to life.
Beauty resets the compass. It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. It awakens within us the desire for the Kingdom - God’s Kingdom here on earth and in heaven.
Delight in your children. They need to know that they are wonderfully made and they learn that by how we respond to them.
Sin is when I forget who I am. Our kids need to be solid in their identity as a child of God and so do we!
We need to learn to desire things in the right order. Sin happens when we live a life of disorder. As parents we can help order the lives of our children in the right way.
How does our family experience art (music, literature, movies) in our home? What do these things communicate to our children?
Do we delight in our children? How can we do this more?
What are we doing in our home to help our children “desire things in the right order?” How can we shape the environment in our home to do this?
God in the Garden
Wingfeather Series (books)
Wingfearther series (series on Angel studios)
Andrew-peterson.com
Music list on spotify
“21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids.” ― Meg Meeker
After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again! This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents. The teen years do not need to be horrible. In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child! The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult. In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.
If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom. Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.
For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are. So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them.
Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning. They won’t succeed at everything they do and that is OK. This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.
Invite them into spiritual adulthood. Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.
Looking back on your teen years, do you love your “teen self”? How can you grow in this?
List the names of your tweens and teens. What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together.
What are your concerns about your teens? Does your spouse have the same concerns? Why or why not?
In what areas are you giving too much freedom? Where can you help your teen grow in independence?
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
IGen by Jean Twenge
Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock
All of us come into our vocations with expectations. We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions. We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way. The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses. In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow. We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today. This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.
Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse. They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.
Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage.
No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude. There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.
What were my expectations coming into our marriage?
Which of these were fulfilled? Which has led to disappointment?
What am I grateful for?
Article on Expectations and Happiness
The body is not meaningless, but meaningful - Jason Evert
Join us for this insightful conversation with Jason Evert, speaker and author. Jason has spoken all over the world and has created numerous resources for preteens and teens to dive deep into what it means to be free to love. Often parents feel under-equipped to talk about sex and chastity, but it is within the home that these lessons need to be learned and it is where they are taught most effectively. The first step is to communicate to your children how much you delight in them. Then we can speak to their hearts the truth of who they are. After that, we can teach them that by embracing the virtue of chastity we can truly be free to love others with a love like God’s. Jason’s new series for preteens, Envision, can be found at Ascension Press.
We can’t just tell our kids what NOT to do, but we must communicate that chastity gives them freedom. Chastity gives them the freedom to love.
Knowing the theology of our bodies answers the question, “Who am I and how should I live?”
The world tells our kids that their bodies are meaningless, but in reality, they are meaningful. What we do with our bodies matters.
Rules without relationships breed rebellion. Most of our kids know we love them, but do they believe we like them? That we like being with them? That is the foundation that needs to be laid to form them.
How are we communicating to our kids now that what they do with their bodies matters?
What are some ways we can show our kids not just that we LOVE them but that we LIKE them too?
Do we understand the importance of Theology of the Body? Is this something we need to look into more?
"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28
Summary:
Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self-control is an underappreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success. Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign, "Just say no!”. Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast, we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.
Key Takeaways:
Emotional outbursts are a sign of immaturity. As they grow and as you teach them they will learn. But if you don’t get this under control when they are young you will be sorry
Self control is an unappreciated virtue. Lack of self control is lauded in our culture “Just do it!” as opposed to “Just say no!”
Important to train your child early!! Their brain can change more than any other time in their lives. Often we focus more on training in athletics or academics than virtue, but virtue is where they will find success in life.
When they are emotional, teach your children how to activate the logical part of their brain. As parents of young children, we help them regulate their emotions so they can learn how to do it themselves.
Give them space to make a choice. The more they do it, the stronger and better they will be at it
Couple Discussion Questions:
How would we define self control? Why is it important
How do we respond to our children when they lose control? What do we think about this?
What are some good strategies we can use for our children specifically?
Join us for a special episode of the Messy Family Podcast, recorded live at the 10th National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis! In this episode, Mike hosts a lively discussion on the joys and challenges of family life. Mike, who flew in from Ireland, shares his family traditions and reflections on building a lasting legacy. Plus, special guests Ennie and Cana Hickman talk about their journey of raising nine children, balancing ministry and marriage, and the importance of regular date nights. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode offers heartfelt stories and practical advice for every family. Don't miss it!
For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/
00:53 - Mike Shares His Family Tradition 03:14 - Introducing Ennie and Cana Hickman 06:01 - Marriage and Family Life 11:30 - The Importance of Date Nights 17:25 - Integrating Ministry and Family 23:45 - Building Family Culture and Traditions 30:10 - Navigating Difficult Times 36:30 - Practical Tips for Busy Families 44:00 - Closing Thoughts and Prayer
Parent’s reaction to their children is more important than any consequence that they may give. It is our reaction that teaches our children.
One of the trickiest things for a parent is when they catch their child in a lie. Do you punish them for lying? Do you punish the offense? How do you teach the virtue of honesty when lying seems to come so naturally to them? Join in our conversation with Jordan Langdon of Families of Character, a ministry that coaches parents to be their best for their families. In this discussion, we hear Jordan’s thoughts on why kids lie, how to create realistic expectations, and why punishing kids for lying only makes things worse. Hear about the “Honesty Incentive Rule” and how that works for young children and even more importantly as your children become teenagers. Find more about Jordan and her work at www.familiesofcharacter.org
Key Takeaways
Training the will of your child is just as or even more important than training their intellect
Most children will lie at some point. It is a natural part of their development. It is how you react to them that matters.
There are different stages of lying. The lie of a 3 yr old looks different than that of a 7 yr old.
The Honesty Incentive rule helps children take personal responsibility for their actions.
When you find your child lying, allow yourself time to think about how to handle it. There is no need to react - this is not an emergency!
Take time to observe your children’s behavior so you can tell when something is going on beneath the surface.
Couple Discussion Questions
What is our reaction when our children lie to us now? How do we handle it?
How do I feel when our kids lie to me?
Do we feel like we take enough time to observe our children’s behavior? Would we know when something was going wrong?
Play is the work of childhood.
It seems like in today’s world, parents are judged by how many activities their kids are in and how committed the whole family is to those activities. We see this as leading to complete burnout for parents, but more importantly, it robs children of the joy of unsupervised, spontaneous time to just play. We explain in this podcast what play is and why it is so important for children to engage in. The beautiful thing about play is that parents should NOT be involved! It is one thing that we can do for our kids that requires less of us, not more. Parents need to learn that kids must take risks, make choices, and be independent from adults. And this means less supervision, not more. Listen in to this conversation where we try to strike a balance between keeping kids busy in a healthy way and giving them space to be bored and make good choices.
Play is essential for a child’s development. It is “freely chosen and directed by the participants and undertaken for its own sake, not to achieve something” - Dr. Peter Gray
You need to be intentional about choosing your child’s activities based on their developmental needs.
Kids under 12 really don’t need structured activities - only do them if they work for your lifestyle and are not a cause of stress in the family
Don’t allow external forces to impose false expectations on your involvement.
Encourage your child to persevere even if an activity is difficult or not what they expected, but have the common sense to know when enough is enough.
Know the adults that are around your child recognizing that especially in the teen years these people can become mentors for them for good or for bad.
Share with your spouse your experience with structured activities (sports, theater, lessons, etc). What would you like to repeat? What would you like to avoid?
What activities are our children involved in? Are they developmentally appropriate for them?
How can we encourage more play among our children? Are there other families who would join us in this?
Play Deprivation Is A Major Cause of the Teen Mental Health Crisis
By JON HAIDT AND PETER GRAY
https://www.afterbabel.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web
Growing in holiness doesn’t require extraordinary actions, it requires doing ordinary things with great love. And there is nothing more “ordinary” in the life of a child than a parent.
Often when people talk about life with children, the focus is on just getting through their childhood with your sanity in one piece! There is some truth to that because parenting can be the most challenging thing you may ever do, but we would like to offer a different perspective. What if we did allow family life to change us? What if we allowed it to change us for the better? Jesus wants to teach us how to love Him by loving our spouse and our children. They are the first neighbors that we are called to love and serve and this, as lay people, is our path to holiness. Listen in to this honest conversation about the challenges of loving those closest to us as we would love Jesus Himself.
If you are a frantic family you will resent the sacrifices that naturally come with family life. Fruitful families embrace these sacrifices.
Our world does not prize the ordinary so we can think that to be holy we need to do extraordinary things.
The true measure of how much you love the Lord is the measure by which you love that person in your life who is most difficult
Mark 9 - “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me. And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me”
Matthew 25 - “Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.”
Jesus doesn’t ask us to love an ideal. He asks us to love actual people in our lives as we would love Him.
Think of a person in your life who shows God’s love to others. What do they do? How do they do it? What can you imitate?
“Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me. And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me” Who am I being called to “receive” right now in my state in life? What are my thoughts on this person being Jesus?
What is one small, practical way in which I can love my husband or wife better, starting today? How can I receive their love more fully?
The greatest and most important collaboration you will ever have with another person is raising a child with your spouse.
Parents come to us with discipline issues all the time and our first question is usually, “What does your spouse think about this?” You see, the most important person to learn from is the other parent of this child you are trying to raise! It is when moms and dads work together that the greatest power is unleashed in parenting and that is when we can do the most good for our children. Instead of focusing on your child and their behavior, focus first on yourself, then on how you and your spouse work together, and then you can come up with the best way to love your child and form them. Listen in to this re-release of our 2019 podcast, Parenting as a Team.
The best thing you can do for your children is to not focus on them, but focus on your spouse first, and them second. Prioritize your relationship!
Strength is found in your differences! Respect what each one of you brings to the table.
God never meant for you to be parents alone, or even just the two of you. He wants to give you all the grace you need if you will just ask Him for it.
What do you admire about how your spouse parents your kids? Tell them this.
What is the biggest difference between you in how you parent? How is this a strength?
Take time this week to sit down and talk about your kids and how they are doing. Make a plan to help them as best you can.
Parenting isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It's about showing up over and over again no matter what.
Some may question how a celibate man could have wisdom for husbands and wives, let alone parents. But in this interview with Fr. Mike Schmitz, host of the Bible in a Year podcast, we think everyone will agree that his insights are awesome! Drawing from his own family experience as well as his role as a spiritual father, Fr. Mike shares with us how to love children who have fallen away from the church, the importance of your marriage to your walk with God, and why you actually don’t need to have the perfect plan for your family. In this conversation we laughed and cried as we reflected on the beauty and difficulties of life in a family (with some special shoutouts to middle children!). Listen in as we have an honest and inspiring talk with a priest whose ministry has blessed so many.
Our family of origin impacts us more than almost anything else in our lives.
Parents put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect that sometimes they miss out on the joy of family life.
It's more important that we are intentional about family life than we have the “perfect plan” on how to be a family.
It's not a bad thing for kids to see their parents have conflict as long as they are also able to experience the effects of their reconciliation.
We can’t make the world safe for our kids, but we do need to make our kids strong.
The heart of the Father is the heart of the priesthood.
If someone falls away from the Church, we may be tempted to cut them out or approve of everything they do, but neither is correct. Remain in their lives in a consistent and uncompromising way, recognizing that their story isn’t over.
Are there areas in our family life that we need to evaluate and possibly change? Is there a course we are on that we need to correct?
Knowing that our kids will be growing up in a difficult world, how can we make them strong?
How can we respond better to those who have turned away from Christ or His Church? How can we keep those lines of communication open?
Who are the “spiritual fathers” in our life? How can we pray for them?
Bible in a Year Podcast
Ascension videos w Fr Mike
Introduction and Fundraising Campaign (0:00 - 4:04) Interview with Father Mike Schmitz Begins (4:04 - 5:09) Father Mike Schmitz's Background (5:09 - 7:02) Parenting and Family Life (7:02 - 13:23) Insights on Parenting and Perfection (13:23 - 18:13) Parental Sacrifice and Consistency (00:19:32 - 00:21:28) Parental Influence and Decision-Making (00:21:28 - 00:23:42) Navigating Marital Challenges (00:23:43 - 00:27:37) Spiritual Fatherhood (00:37:06 - 00:38:41) Parenting Journey and Impact (00:38:42 - 00:41:36) Understanding Parental Heartache (00:46:43:18 - 00:47:31:20) Dealing with Children Leaving Faith (00:47:31:22 - 00:48:57:00) Parental Support and Communication (00:50:29:03 - 00:52:37:11) Sexual Intimacy and Spirituality (00:56:53:17 - 00:58:32:06) Blessing and Spiritual Growth (01:02:14:04 - 01:03:32:18)
Our parents made us sisters, but God made us friends.
One of the greatest blessings of Alicia’s life is that God gave her 9 brothers and sisters to laugh, play, fight, create, and pray with most of her life! This conversation is from a girls getaway weekend with the five Doman sisters. Now, because all the Doman siblings are practicing Catholics in good relationship with each other and their parents, people may put them in a category of “the perfect Catholic family”. But that is far from true. As you will hear, each one of these sisters has lived through tragedies and difficulties that were completely unexpected and not chosen by them at all. It is by God’s grace that each one of them has grown into the woman God is calling her to be and it is through that relationship with Christ, as well as the accident of birth, that we are able to have true sisterhood together. Listen in as we talk about God’s faithfulness through the difficulties of life and how true sisterhood with those in your family and friends are essential to our survival.
Life is not always easy, but God is near
We can learn from those who God gives us, even when they are different from us. Don’t get frustrated by differences, embrace them!
When we are joined together by common faith in Christ, we can develop true friendships
What relationships can we invest more in to develop sisterhood and brotherhood?
Are we happy with our relationships with our siblings? Why or why not? What can we change about this?
How does sharing values with others change us?
How can we give our kids more freedom to make good choices? What are my fears about this?
Do my teens see me as a mentor? Why or why not. Plan some time to talk to them about this.
Where do we need better boundaries in our home? What are the areas in which our children need more training?
The most important challenge you can take
What does it take to be a great parent and have a joyful family? We think it all boils down to three essential elements. We have turned these three elements into the Play and Pray Challenge! More than ever, we need to celebrate the love of Jesus in the month of June, because it is HIS love and lordship that will truly fulfill all our deepest longings! What is the challenge? In the month of June do these three things with your family - Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and “enthroning” Him as King. We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit. There are even promo materials for you to put up at your parish or school!
Get the free download and let us know your family is taking the challenge - https://messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/
Related podcast episode:
MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-091-king-of-the-home/
MFP 257: How to Change Your Heart - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-257-how-to-change-your-heart-lessons-from-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/
Key takeaways:
One of the greatest assets we have in parenting is the ability to choose how we spend our time. Protect your yes with 1,000 no’s
Your children need to be known and loved by you. Joy must be alive in your home.
Your marriage gives you the grace to be a parent. So invest deeply in your marriage!
Devotion to the Sacred heart is a game changer for families
If you want to pray with your kids you need to play with them.
Couple Discussion
How do we waste time with our kids? How do we lavish love on them?
What brings joy to the hearts of our children? How can we do more of that?
What is my understanding of the love of Jesus flowing from His Sacred Heart? How can I express this love to my children?
In this next part of our series on tech, we talk about the specific challenges that tech use brings to boys and girls. Just as men and women have different gifts, they also deal with different temptations in their tech use. Because of this, parents must be proactive in teaching boundaries to their children so they can use tech with freedom when they leave your house and enter the world of adulthood. During this conversation, we give you some principles that you will need to discuss with your spouse to make a tech policy of your own. Every family must have some boundaries, because if you don’t define them, then the reality is that Big Tech will be calling the shots in your house. Their goal is to control your kids and they have the means to do it.
Because of the genius of men to create and subdue the world they are more tempted to be addicted to video games. Because of women’s gift of relationships they are more tempted to be absorbed in social media.
Parents must know the symptoms of addiction and immediately respond if they believe their child has an addiction. Their child’s future success in life depends on it.
The best filter is a well-formed child who knows how to respond to toxic online content.
You must teach and model healthy tech use for your kids - nothing is private, have a healthy skepticism of any online content, and learn good manners.
Are we aware of the symptoms of tech addiction? Are any of our children in danger of this addiction? If so, what are we going to do about it?
Do we have a written tech policy? Plan a time to discuss with your spouse and create one.
What is our plan for social media use for our children?
The Messy Family Guide to Technology - https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/
The destructive effects of video games are not on boys' cognitive abilities or their reaction times, but on their motivation and their connectedness with the real world.
~Dr. Leonard Sax
Technology can be a blessing or a curse. It can be used for great good and yet it can expose people to grave evil. Helping our children learn how to responsibly navigate the use of technology, especially social media, is one of the immense parenting challenges of our age. In this podcast, we look at the unique challenges that technology presents to parents and why parents must meet this challenge head-on! We talk about how to discern your tech use as a family and why just locking down every device is simply not enough. Like most areas of parenting, we need to first train ourselves and then take the time to train our children.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Don’t be naive. Stay on top of what your kids are watching and what they are engaging with. It is our responsibility to prepare and guide them.
Discern your tech use as a person and as a family. Walk them through the seven keys to empower them to make good choices because tech is a powerful gift of God and should be used for good.
Seven keys the church gives us to guide us in using technology
Does it communicate a balanced worldview?
How is the creator's attitude oriented towards the subject?
Does it dignify the human person?
Does it speak the Truth?
Is it inspirational?
Is it done with skill?
Is it motivated by experience?
Train your children to use it as they grow. Like driving a car, prepare them to use it as they mature and are old enough to use it wisely and virtuously
COUPLE DISCUSSION
In what ways have we been blessed by media and technolgy? How has it helped us?
How can we discern our media use as a family?
If our goal is to form our children to become adults who can make good media choices, how and when can we give our children appropriate freedom? What does that look like for our kids today?
Resources:
Infinite Bandwidth: Encountering Christ in the Media. By Dr. Eugene Gan
https://www.afterbabel.com/p/algorithms-hijacked-my-generation
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2799042
https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-your-son-addicted-to-video-games
“We can only see our spouse clearly when we look at Jesus first.” - Dan Lawson
In this podcast, we tackle some hard issues in marriage. What makes couples believe that they need to get divorced? Why is it essential for couples to have a vision for their individual lives and for their marriage? What is the pattern in successful marriages that we can emulate? We even talk about what to say to a person who tells you they are getting a divorce - a very difficult and sensitive topic, but one that we have to discuss. Dan Lawson is a Catholic therapist who takes a solution-focused approach with his clients, as opposed to “problem-focused” approach. This means that instead of looking only at what is going wrong in a relationship, he asks questions and guides clients to look at what is going right. This hopeful approach helps spouses to encounter their own goodness which is where you need to start to create a pattern of mutual admiration, one of the hallmarks of a successful marriage. Listen into this essential conversation!
Divorce is a sin against hope. It says “I can’t change. They can’t change.”
The goal of life is not the perfect marriage, the goal is holiness. We need to start first by looking at Jesus and pursuing holiness in our own lives. Then our marriage can improve.
It is essential that each of us look first at what we are doing right in our marriages and in our lives. When we can see and affirm that, then we can do more of that and “starve” out the negativity.
Every person needs to ask themselves the question, “Who do I want to be at the end of my life?” We need to have a vision for our lives and live that way in our marriages.
Establishing a pattern of admiration and trust is key to building a life-long, life-giving marriage. Most spouses struggle to communicate their needs and their feelings.
What is my vision for my life? Who do I want to be at the end of my life?
How has my spouse loved me this year? What are some of our greatest accomplishments together?
“The goal of life is not the perfect marriage, the goal is holiness” What are my thoughts on this?
It’s easier to be patient after we come to realize how patient our
Heavenly Father is with us.
Why is it so hard for parents to be patient with their children? People who thought they were good and normal adults find themselves tearing their hair out over the things done by a child half their size and a fraction of their age! One thing we tell parents over and over is that parenting is supposed to change you. It is supposed to form you. It is supposed to be challenging, so if you are struggling, that is OK! But we do have some tips for you and some stories that we hope will help change your perspective on growing in this essential virtue for moms and dads.
Key Takeaways:
If you are impatient with your children you are normal! Lean in and allow yourself to be changed as you grow in virtue
Children need adults to slow down and give them time to do things by themselves
Parenting takes alot of time! Lessons need to be taught over and over. There is no magic bullet. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.
We can learn to be patient by first realizing how patient God is with us. We are disobedient, messy kids but our Father teaches us the same lessons over and over
Couple Discussion:
How would you rate your patience on a scale of 1-10? How would you rate your spouse? Discuss this.
What lessons in your life has God had to teach you over and over? How has God been patient with you?
Which one of your children do you find it most difficult to be patient with and why? Which of your children to you find it easiest to be patient with? How can you learn from this?
“I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together.” Tobit 8:7
Physical intimacy between spouses is a topic that is difficult to talk about, but one that is absolutely essential in Catholic circles. You see, Satan’s plan is for people to have as much sex as possible BEFORE they are married and as little sex as possible AFTER they are married! These lies and confusion need to be addressed in a way that is respectful but also practical for married couples. In this podcast, we welcome Ellen Holloway of Vines in Full Bloom, a ministry dedicated to helping women and couples experience a joyful, satisfying sexual relationship within marriage. We discuss sexual pleasure, the different ways that men and women handle stress, the relationship between sex and prayer, the difference between “anticipatory” and “escalatory” foreplay, and what to do when your libido is completely gone. There is a wealth of valuable information for husbands and wives to hear and then discuss with each other. Listen in and join the conversation!
Part of foreplay is being aware of your spouse throughout the day and letting them know you are thinking of them.
Being joyful in marriage means you have a willingness to build intimacy through unity with your spouse.
If you have no desire for sex at all at the moment, ask yourself, “What AM I willing to do?”
No one should accept zero libido as a lifestyle. That is not normal.
There are many similarities between how we view prayer and how we view sexual relations with our spouse. We should be continually learning in both.
Our Heavenly Father made sexual relations to be pleasurable because He loves us and wants us to be happy. Sometimes we don’t accept how overly generous our Father is!
Take 5-10 min daily for a week to discuss sex with each other.
How often do we discuss our sex life? What is holding us back from having this conversation?
Do I believe sex is a sacred gift from God? Why or why not?
Charting Toward Intimacy podcast
Physical Intimacy download from MFP website. https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/physical-intimacy/