Kids will not always remember what you say, they will remember how they felt.
We have talked about the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s being the “Momolympics”, a time when there are tons of things to buy, make, prepare, plan, and basically the happiness of your children all depends on you (at least we feel that way!) How can parents embrace the holidays with children with grace and excitement? How can we keep in mind what is truly important for our family? In this episode we give some principles, but also LOTS of practical advice as we look back on all the different holidays we have had with our large family. Things look different now for us, but we can see in hindsight what worked well for us, and what was unnecessarily stressful! This is an amazing time of year and when you have kids the happy times are even more joy-filled, but the tough times can be really exhausting. We are here for you as you work to be intentional, even if you are a messy family!
The more you plan in advance the less rushed you are going to be. This will help you simplify so you can focus on what really matters.
Keep in mind the order of your family culture! Spiritual life of the home, marriage, relationships, developing gifts and then the operations of the family.
Get the kids involved! When they own traditions, it strengthens your family culture when they take on responsibilities for the holidays.
What are the traditions that we want to double down on and make sure they happen this year?
How are we going to reduce stress and delegate work to the kids? What is our plan to get them involved?
Throwback Friday: Toys! by Regina Schmiedicke
MFP267: Toys and the Imagination
Graces can flow into your home when nature is in its proper place. - Connor Gallagher, The Well-Ordered Family
Do you yearn for more order and clarity within your family? Is the chaos and busyness of modern life unsettling the harmony of your household? In this podcast, we interview Conor Gallagher, CEO of multiple businesses and father of sixteen, to talk to him about a transformative system that will restore peace and joy in your household. We love using business principles to improve family life, and in the Well-Ordered Family, Conor does just that! Join us for this conversation and find out why its good to realize that we all have systems in our home, how to get control of those systems, and why it is essential that parents not fall into a victim mentality. Find more about The Well-Ordered Family at https://wellorderedfamily.com/
We all operate with systems in the home whether we realize it or not. The question is, are these systems effective?
There are many policies that families need to implement, but if you have to start with one, start with your tech policy!
When you are trying to get control of your family life, start by asking the question Why? Why are we trying to live a certain way?
Parents need to be the architects of their family’s life and habits. No one else can do it for you.
What are the systems in our home that most need attention right now?
Are we falling into a victim mentality when it comes to running our home? How can we break out of that cycle?
In this episode, we dive into the beauty and power of family history. Mike shares the incredible story of his journey to Ireland—a dream rooted in a deep love for his heritage and a promise to pass it on to his children. From the ruins of his grandfather’s cottage to the windswept cliffs of the Aran Islands, the trip becomes a testament to the importance of staying connected to the past while building a legacy for the future.
As we reflect on the stories of those who came before us, we’re reminded of the sacrifices and struggles that shaped who we are today. Alicia and Mike discuss how understanding our roots can ground us in our present and inspire us to leave a rich legacy for those who will follow. Whether it’s through reclaiming a family cottage or sharing stories with your kids, this episode is a call to embrace the sacred work of family.
We also explore how the holiday season offers a perfect time to reconnect with family traditions. From meaningful Advent meditations to practical tools like the Family Board Meeting course, we’re excited to help you create a home that is intentional and full of life.
✨ A Few Takeaways:
🌟 Featured Resources:
🙏 Let’s pray together for the grace to live lives worthy of those who came before us, and to build homes filled with faith, hope, and love.
💖 If this episode speaks to you, consider supporting the mission of the Messy Family Project. Your generosity makes everything we do possible—from free resources to life-changing events. Together, we can strengthen families and inspire faith.
#FamilyStories #HeritageAndHope #MessyFamilyProject #RootedInFaith
“Guided and strengthened by God’s grace, husband and wife advance their own perfection… and contribute jointly to the glory of God” ~ Gaudium et Spes
You should never marry someone with the idea that you can change them, but we do need to help our spouses become the best version of themselves. We all should have a vision, a belief that our spouse can be amazing and then work with them for their good. In this podcast, we hear the inspiring story of Dan and Brenda - a couple from two different families, faith backgrounds, and life philosophies. Though they were different, they were able to learn from each other and build an incredible life together by the grace of God. Through their story, we were able to draw out lessons that all of us can learn from.
Show me your checkbook and your datebook and I will show you what you value
So much of what we talk about on this podcast really hits home when it comes to how we spend our time. Family dinner, date nights, prayer time, even mass comes down to making time to do it. Four things determine how we run our lives and our family - talent, money, energy and time. Every one has different amounts of energy and talent and money, but we all have the same amount of time! How we use it is what matters. In this podcast we discuss how to evaluate the activities in our home and what we need to prioritize. This is a re-release of the podcast “Busyness” originally aired in the summer of 2017.
Where in our life are we too busy? Where do we need to make time for what is really important?
Where do we need better routines in our home to bring peace?
“Genuine humility never disturbs the soul. Rather it is accompanied by peace, joy and calm” St. Theresa of Avila
What is the biggest problem in Catholic marriages? Although we appreciate good communication tools, marriage insights, and mentors - at the end of the day the biggest problem is simply a lack of holiness. One essential tool in our quest for holiness is learning how to ask for forgiveness. When we have conflict in our home, we all need to ask ourselves the question - what could I have done differently? When we take ownership in this way, we can repent to God and then ask forgiveness of our spouse or children in order to repair that relationship. Often we will focus only on our sins and try to amend our lives, but in addition to those good things, we also need to seek to reconcile the relationship and ask for forgiveness.
When there is conflict in the home, we always need to ask ourselves how have I contributed to this situation and what could I have done differently?
Taking extreme ownership means that you don’t make excuses, but instead recognize that the past does not have power over you any more. You always have a choice.
When you are aware of your weakness, you are more open to asking for forgiveness and growing in holiness
Asking forgiveness also repairs the rupture in the relationship that happens as a result of our actions.
When you ask forgiveness and make your heart pure through Confession, then you are able to more clearly see God. “The pure in heart shall see God” Matt 5:8
A daily examen should include asking for forgiveness of family members we have sinned against.
Reflect on your marriage and children and ask God to show you areas in which you need to change. Go to your spouse and children and ask their forgiveness.
When can we do a daily examen in our household? How can we incorporate regular asking of forgiveness?
References:
Dealing with Failure podcast: MPF 140
Forgiveness and Transformation MFP 165
Romans 12
Matthew 18:21-35
In this special Q&A episode, we dive into some of the most heartfelt questions from our listeners. From the complex question of whether to expand the family to grappling with grief, boundaries in marriage, and integrating elderly parents into a household, these issues strike at the core of family life. We also tackle how to balance the call to evangelize in a world that often conflicts with our values—especially when raising children in today’s cultural climate. Join us as we explore these tough topics with compassion, real-life insights, and guidance for finding peace, strength, and unity in family life amidst life’s many challenges.
Couple Discussion Questions
Expanding the Family: How do we each feel about the possibility of having more children, and what are our hopes or concerns? How can we respect and support each other’s feelings in this decision?
Emotional Connection and Boundaries: Are there areas where we hold back in sharing our emotions? How can we create a safe space to be vulnerable and open with each other?
Navigating Grief and Hard Times: How have we supported each other through past challenges, and what can we learn from those experiences to better support each other now?
Integrating Family Generations: If we needed to bring an elderly family member into our home, what expectations and boundaries would help create harmony for everyone?
Raising Kids with Faith in a Secular Culture: What are our biggest concerns about raising children in today’s world, and how do we feel called to engage with those who have different values while protecting our family’s faith?
“It’s important that we remember to talk ‘to’ our kids, not ‘at’ them” - Mark Hart
Parents are rightly concerned today about the influence of the culture on their teens. As much as we would like to put our kids in a teflon bubble to shield them from the false fake culture of the world, it is just not possible! What do our kids need from us to prepare them for life? Join us in this podcast for a conversation with Mark Hart of Lifeteen - a speaker, author, and parent himself of teens and adult children. Mark gives us some great insights (and laughs!) on how to talk to your kids, what they are REALLY looking for, and what not to be afraid of. We were blessed in this conversation and we are thrilled to be able to share it with you!
Kids need space to ask questions and have conversations with their parents without feeling judged. Pushing back is a natural part of maturation.
Teens demand authenticity! They challenge us to be real and that is good for us and for the Church.
Talk “to” your kids, not “at” them.
Significant conversations with our teens allow our lives to re-echo across the generations. Take time for conversations.
For parents, the 20 minutes you spend focused on your child and not on yourself is as spiritually beneficial as a Holy Hour!
Parents should be less concerned with WHAT your child knows and more concerned about WHO is teaching them and where they are getting their information from
God entrusted these souls to you for a season. They will not be living under your roof forever.
See your child as a whole person. You need to spend time with them and really “see” them.
A successful home has three altars: the dinner table to share life and food, the coffee table to gather with family and friends for ideas and fun, and the marriage bed that forms the foundation of the family.
Parents often think of themselves as a hose that ideas and prayer comes through, but we need to be like a fountain - filled up so much in ourselves that we spill over onto our spouse, children, and everyone around us.
Looking at the maturity of our children, are we protecting them too much? Not enough?
How are we doing in using the “three altars” of our home? Are all three of them places that are giving life to our family?
Ascension press - Bible Heroes
Register for the Family Board Meeting
WWM On Demand course
Listener Survey
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 25:24
All of us do things that annoy our spouse. Occasionally, we do things that hurt our spouse and vice versa. How do we communicate about these situations? Is it effective to tell them what they have done wrong? Is that what the scriptures tell us to do? In this episode, we discuss what it means to take “extreme ownership” of our own actions and emotions before trying to “fix” your spouse. We believe that the key to a strong marriage is finding how you can support each other on the road to heaven - and that means having the humility to see your own weaknesses first and embracing them. Once you have sought forgiveness and healed the relationship, then a conversation about how things could have gone differently can be more productive. Listen in to hear how you can move more intentionally towards unity through communication and forgiveness.
Couples need to take the principles of “gentle parenting” and apply them to each other! Skills like expressing empathy, giving guidance, and articulating feelings are all needed in marriage.
When you correct someone, you put yourself above them. This is appropriate in a parent/child relationship, or even a boss/employee relationship, but really not in marriage where you have two equals.
We can help our spouses to be self-reflective about situations by asking questions that can help them think about what they wanted the outcome to be and what actually happened.
What can I do better to help you in areas that you want to grow in?
Who is challenging me? Who do I look to as an example, as a mentor to progress in holiness?
How can my spouse help me?
“You can learn many things from toddlers! For example, how much patience you actually have.”
-Anonymous
One blessing of having ten kids is that we have matured and learned enough about kids to appreciate the toddler years of children #9 and 10 much more than those years with children #1 and 2. Our advice to parents of toddlers is to start by enjoying them! It’s hard to do when they are destroying your house and embarrassing you in public, but with a few strategies and consistency on your part, you can begin to see that this little bundle of creative energy has been amazingly designed by the Divine Creator. It’s all part of His plan to get this child to adulthood and independence, and to get you to heaven!
All children need to be delighted in, but especially the young child! Take time to relax and enjoy them.
Toddlers challenge us to begin saying “yes” to them and their needs and “no” to our own desires. This is the great vocation of parenting!
Giving choices is good, but don’t burden them by giving them too many choices.
When they are having a tantrum, the question you should ask yourself is “what is the need here?” and then choose to respond NOT react. Through your calmness you are teaching them that you are in charge and they are not.
Routine and stability are key! When they have a natural flow to their day that is predictable they can tend to be more peaceful.
What are our natural responses to our toddlers? What do we think about that?
What are our toddlers emotional outbursts like? What triggers them? How can we respond?
What is our normal routine for our children? Is this working for them?
What do we do with our toddlers at mass? Is this is a good plan?
Notes:
Welcome His Heart: https://welcomehisheart.com/
MFP 165: Forgiveness Brings Freedom and Transformation
Videos - Evangelizing Your Kids and Forgiveness in the Family https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/pizza-and-parenting/watch/
Parents must be very intentional about evangelizing their children and bringing them into a relationship with Christ.
Marriage is a sacrament of service to the world. Our marriages are not just for us, they are an office of service.
Every mother and father is to act as “priests of the home” and take up the spiritual authority God has given them for the sake of their children.
Forgiveness is key to restoring relationships that have been broken and can teach children powerful lessons on relationships.
In order to transform your family you will need to start with these three things - create habits to support your goals, make Jesus the king of your home, and build community to support your family.
How are we leading together in the home? Have we taken up that call to spiritual leadership?
What is my understanding of forgiveness? How can we live this out better within our home and our relationships?
How is our marriage serving others? How are we giving from the well of our sacrament?
What are 2 resolutions that we can make today to start living a transformed family life?
“You and your spouse are a team that GOD wants together!” - Art and LaraineBennett
The first step in creating a dynamic family is to know the people who are in it! That starts with knowing yourself, then your spouse, and then your children. One of the tools that we love using for this knowledge is the classic four temperaments - choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic. The leading Catholic authors on the temperaments are Art and Laraine Bennett, authors of the book The Temperament God Gave You and many other great resources! In this conversation we pepper them with questions about what the temperaments are, why knowing the temperaments are important, and how they can change your parenting. This podcast is FULL of great tips and resources of parents of any age. Listen in!
Temperaments are only ONE aspect of our personality. Many things make each one of us unique.
Temperaments are part of the wisdom of the ancients, but they also have been extensively studied in modern psychology
Your temperament is the way you REACT. Knowing our temperament helps us to learn how to RESPOND to others in love.
As a parent, knowing our children’s temperaments helps because we can teach them how to mature by focusing on their strengths and helping them process their weaknesses.
When we react we will fly, fight, or freeze. Learning the “art of the pause” will help us respond in love and get out of “reaction mode”.
You and your spouse can help each other by knowing your gifts and giving each other alternatives to handling difficult situations.
Take the quiz at https://temperamentquiz.com and link your account with your spouse.
Observe your children this week. During a date night, talk about the temperament of each child and how you can encourage their strengths.
What are our gifts as a couple? How can we better use them for the good of our children?
Your authority in the family does not come from perfection, it comes as a grace from your parenthood.
There are two kinds of families - those that are frantic and those that are fruitful. As Catholics we have an incredible grace to be fruitful families, but often our families don’t look much different than the secular, frantic families around us! How can we live family life differently? There are so many different parenting philosophies out there. Which ones should Catholics follow? In this podcast, we give an overview of The Catholic Parenting Course - a guide for parents who want to have a roadmap for raising their families to be in the world, but not of the world. The two parts of this podcast are how to parent like God the Father and then the secret weapon of the Catholic family (our regular listeners can guess what that is!). Listen in!
Book: Abba’s Heart
Podcast: MFP096 and 097, Elements of a Family Culture and Building a Family Culture
To parent like God the Father, we need to start by conforming our hearts to His.
Unity within your marriage needs to flow out and encompass everyone, all of your children giving them purpose and belonging.
More than anything else, our children need us to delight in them.
Forming the hearts of our children is our sacred task. Our goal should be to hand over the locus of control from us as parents to them.
When lived intentionally, the culture within your home can be a powerful weapon against secular forces arrayed against us.
Do we see our Heavenly Father as delighting in us? Why or why not?
On a continuum from isolation to oneness, where are we now? How unified are we in our home?
What does it mean to delight in our children? What does that look like for each of us, realizing that we will do this differently?
What are the values that our family culture is communicating to our children?
Summary:
In this episode, we explore several listener's questions about how to manage friendships when personal values differ, particularly in situations where children are involved. Mike and Alicia are joined by their daughter, Katie to dive into the challenge of maintaining friendships with those whose lifestyle choices may conflict with Catholic teaching, while still modeling love and compassion for others. The conversation focuses on how to love the person, hold true to your beliefs, and balance protecting your family’s moral development.
Couple Discussion Questions:
How can you love friends or family members who hold values different from your own while protecting your children’s development?
How do you explain complex adult relationships to your children in a way that aligns with your values?
What boundaries do you set when it comes to relationships that conflict with your beliefs?
Resources:
For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/
Beauty resets our compass. It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. ~ Andrew Peterson
Our children will grow no matter what, but how they grow and what they learn is heavily dependent on their environment. Parents can shape the world of their children to include beauty, freedom of artistic expression, and space to wonder. In this podcast, we talk to Andrew Peterson, singer, songwriter, author, father and now grandfather. Over the last 25 years, Andrew has used his creative talents in the world of music and fantasy books for kids. He has done this out of the firm belief in the power of art to commuicate eternal truths and draw people into relationship with God. Our family has been blessed by his work over the past 25 years and we hope that all our families will be too!
Parents need to shape the world to be beautiful for their children. Beauty evangelizes even to the very young child. Art, in all its expressions, is essential to life.
Beauty resets the compass. It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. It awakens within us the desire for the Kingdom - God’s Kingdom here on earth and in heaven.
Delight in your children. They need to know that they are wonderfully made and they learn that by how we respond to them.
Sin is when I forget who I am. Our kids need to be solid in their identity as a child of God and so do we!
We need to learn to desire things in the right order. Sin happens when we live a life of disorder. As parents we can help order the lives of our children in the right way.
How does our family experience art (music, literature, movies) in our home? What do these things communicate to our children?
Do we delight in our children? How can we do this more?
What are we doing in our home to help our children “desire things in the right order?” How can we shape the environment in our home to do this?
God in the Garden
Wingfeather Series (books)
Wingfearther series (series on Angel studios)
Andrew-peterson.com
Music list on spotify
“21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids.” ― Meg Meeker
After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again! This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents. The teen years do not need to be horrible. In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child! The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult. In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.
If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom. Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.
For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are. So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them.
Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning. They won’t succeed at everything they do and that is OK. This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.
Invite them into spiritual adulthood. Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.
Looking back on your teen years, do you love your “teen self”? How can you grow in this?
List the names of your tweens and teens. What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together.
What are your concerns about your teens? Does your spouse have the same concerns? Why or why not?
In what areas are you giving too much freedom? Where can you help your teen grow in independence?
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
IGen by Jean Twenge
Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock
All of us come into our vocations with expectations. We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions. We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way. The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses. In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow. We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today. This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.
Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse. They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.
Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage.
No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude. There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.
What were my expectations coming into our marriage?
Which of these were fulfilled? Which has led to disappointment?
What am I grateful for?
Article on Expectations and Happiness
The body is not meaningless, but meaningful - Jason Evert
Join us for this insightful conversation with Jason Evert, speaker and author. Jason has spoken all over the world and has created numerous resources for preteens and teens to dive deep into what it means to be free to love. Often parents feel under-equipped to talk about sex and chastity, but it is within the home that these lessons need to be learned and it is where they are taught most effectively. The first step is to communicate to your children how much you delight in them. Then we can speak to their hearts the truth of who they are. After that, we can teach them that by embracing the virtue of chastity we can truly be free to love others with a love like God’s. Jason’s new series for preteens, Envision, can be found at Ascension Press.
We can’t just tell our kids what NOT to do, but we must communicate that chastity gives them freedom. Chastity gives them the freedom to love.
Knowing the theology of our bodies answers the question, “Who am I and how should I live?”
The world tells our kids that their bodies are meaningless, but in reality, they are meaningful. What we do with our bodies matters.
Rules without relationships breed rebellion. Most of our kids know we love them, but do they believe we like them? That we like being with them? That is the foundation that needs to be laid to form them.
How are we communicating to our kids now that what they do with their bodies matters?
What are some ways we can show our kids not just that we LOVE them but that we LIKE them too?
Do we understand the importance of Theology of the Body? Is this something we need to look into more?
"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28
Summary:
Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn’t get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self-control is an underappreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success. Instead of embracing the maxim of today, “Just do it!” we should be echoing the slogan of the 80’s anti-drug campaign, "Just say no!”. Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast, we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver’s seat of life.
Key Takeaways:
Emotional outbursts are a sign of immaturity. As they grow and as you teach them they will learn. But if you don’t get this under control when they are young you will be sorry
Self control is an unappreciated virtue. Lack of self control is lauded in our culture “Just do it!” as opposed to “Just say no!”
Important to train your child early!! Their brain can change more than any other time in their lives. Often we focus more on training in athletics or academics than virtue, but virtue is where they will find success in life.
When they are emotional, teach your children how to activate the logical part of their brain. As parents of young children, we help them regulate their emotions so they can learn how to do it themselves.
Give them space to make a choice. The more they do it, the stronger and better they will be at it
Couple Discussion Questions:
How would we define self control? Why is it important
How do we respond to our children when they lose control? What do we think about this?
What are some good strategies we can use for our children specifically?
Join us for a special episode of the Messy Family Podcast, recorded live at the 10th National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis! In this episode, Mike hosts a lively discussion on the joys and challenges of family life. Mike, who flew in from Ireland, shares his family traditions and reflections on building a lasting legacy. Plus, special guests Ennie and Cana Hickman talk about their journey of raising nine children, balancing ministry and marriage, and the importance of regular date nights. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode offers heartfelt stories and practical advice for every family. Don't miss it!
For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/
00:53 - Mike Shares His Family Tradition 03:14 - Introducing Ennie and Cana Hickman 06:01 - Marriage and Family Life 11:30 - The Importance of Date Nights 17:25 - Integrating Ministry and Family 23:45 - Building Family Culture and Traditions 30:10 - Navigating Difficult Times 36:30 - Practical Tips for Busy Families 44:00 - Closing Thoughts and Prayer
Parent’s reaction to their children is more important than any consequence that they may give. It is our reaction that teaches our children.
One of the trickiest things for a parent is when they catch their child in a lie. Do you punish them for lying? Do you punish the offense? How do you teach the virtue of honesty when lying seems to come so naturally to them? Join in our conversation with Jordan Langdon of Families of Character, a ministry that coaches parents to be their best for their families. In this discussion, we hear Jordan’s thoughts on why kids lie, how to create realistic expectations, and why punishing kids for lying only makes things worse. Hear about the “Honesty Incentive Rule” and how that works for young children and even more importantly as your children become teenagers. Find more about Jordan and her work at www.familiesofcharacter.org
Key Takeaways
Training the will of your child is just as or even more important than training their intellect
Most children will lie at some point. It is a natural part of their development. It is how you react to them that matters.
There are different stages of lying. The lie of a 3 yr old looks different than that of a 7 yr old.
The Honesty Incentive rule helps children take personal responsibility for their actions.
When you find your child lying, allow yourself time to think about how to handle it. There is no need to react - this is not an emergency!
Take time to observe your children’s behavior so you can tell when something is going on beneath the surface.
Couple Discussion Questions
What is our reaction when our children lie to us now? How do we handle it?
How do I feel when our kids lie to me?
Do we feel like we take enough time to observe our children’s behavior? Would we know when something was going wrong?
Play is the work of childhood.
It seems like in today’s world, parents are judged by how many activities their kids are in and how committed the whole family is to those activities. We see this as leading to complete burnout for parents, but more importantly, it robs children of the joy of unsupervised, spontaneous time to just play. We explain in this podcast what play is and why it is so important for children to engage in. The beautiful thing about play is that parents should NOT be involved! It is one thing that we can do for our kids that requires less of us, not more. Parents need to learn that kids must take risks, make choices, and be independent from adults. And this means less supervision, not more. Listen in to this conversation where we try to strike a balance between keeping kids busy in a healthy way and giving them space to be bored and make good choices.
Play is essential for a child’s development. It is “freely chosen and directed by the participants and undertaken for its own sake, not to achieve something” - Dr. Peter Gray
You need to be intentional about choosing your child’s activities based on their developmental needs.
Kids under 12 really don’t need structured activities - only do them if they work for your lifestyle and are not a cause of stress in the family
Don’t allow external forces to impose false expectations on your involvement.
Encourage your child to persevere even if an activity is difficult or not what they expected, but have the common sense to know when enough is enough.
Know the adults that are around your child recognizing that especially in the teen years these people can become mentors for them for good or for bad.
Share with your spouse your experience with structured activities (sports, theater, lessons, etc). What would you like to repeat? What would you like to avoid?
What activities are our children involved in? Are they developmentally appropriate for them?
How can we encourage more play among our children? Are there other families who would join us in this?
Play Deprivation Is A Major Cause of the Teen Mental Health Crisis
By JON HAIDT AND PETER GRAY
https://www.afterbabel.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web
Growing in holiness doesn’t require extraordinary actions, it requires doing ordinary things with great love. And there is nothing more “ordinary” in the life of a child than a parent.
Often when people talk about life with children, the focus is on just getting through their childhood with your sanity in one piece! There is some truth to that because parenting can be the most challenging thing you may ever do, but we would like to offer a different perspective. What if we did allow family life to change us? What if we allowed it to change us for the better? Jesus wants to teach us how to love Him by loving our spouse and our children. They are the first neighbors that we are called to love and serve and this, as lay people, is our path to holiness. Listen in to this honest conversation about the challenges of loving those closest to us as we would love Jesus Himself.
If you are a frantic family you will resent the sacrifices that naturally come with family life. Fruitful families embrace these sacrifices.
Our world does not prize the ordinary so we can think that to be holy we need to do extraordinary things.
The true measure of how much you love the Lord is the measure by which you love that person in your life who is most difficult
Mark 9 - “Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me. And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me”
Matthew 25 - “Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.”
Jesus doesn’t ask us to love an ideal. He asks us to love actual people in our lives as we would love Him.
Think of a person in your life who shows God’s love to others. What do they do? How do they do it? What can you imitate?
“Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me. And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me” Who am I being called to “receive” right now in my state in life? What are my thoughts on this person being Jesus?
What is one small, practical way in which I can love my husband or wife better, starting today? How can I receive their love more fully?
The greatest and most important collaboration you will ever have with another person is raising a child with your spouse.
Parents come to us with discipline issues all the time and our first question is usually, “What does your spouse think about this?” You see, the most important person to learn from is the other parent of this child you are trying to raise! It is when moms and dads work together that the greatest power is unleashed in parenting and that is when we can do the most good for our children. Instead of focusing on your child and their behavior, focus first on yourself, then on how you and your spouse work together, and then you can come up with the best way to love your child and form them. Listen in to this re-release of our 2019 podcast, Parenting as a Team.
The best thing you can do for your children is to not focus on them, but focus on your spouse first, and them second. Prioritize your relationship!
Strength is found in your differences! Respect what each one of you brings to the table.
God never meant for you to be parents alone, or even just the two of you. He wants to give you all the grace you need if you will just ask Him for it.
What do you admire about how your spouse parents your kids? Tell them this.
What is the biggest difference between you in how you parent? How is this a strength?
Take time this week to sit down and talk about your kids and how they are doing. Make a plan to help them as best you can.
Parenting isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It's about showing up over and over again no matter what.
Some may question how a celibate man could have wisdom for husbands and wives, let alone parents. But in this interview with Fr. Mike Schmitz, host of the Bible in a Year podcast, we think everyone will agree that his insights are awesome! Drawing from his own family experience as well as his role as a spiritual father, Fr. Mike shares with us how to love children who have fallen away from the church, the importance of your marriage to your walk with God, and why you actually don’t need to have the perfect plan for your family. In this conversation we laughed and cried as we reflected on the beauty and difficulties of life in a family (with some special shoutouts to middle children!). Listen in as we have an honest and inspiring talk with a priest whose ministry has blessed so many.
Our family of origin impacts us more than almost anything else in our lives.
Parents put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect that sometimes they miss out on the joy of family life.
It's more important that we are intentional about family life than we have the “perfect plan” on how to be a family.
It's not a bad thing for kids to see their parents have conflict as long as they are also able to experience the effects of their reconciliation.
We can’t make the world safe for our kids, but we do need to make our kids strong.
The heart of the Father is the heart of the priesthood.
If someone falls away from the Church, we may be tempted to cut them out or approve of everything they do, but neither is correct. Remain in their lives in a consistent and uncompromising way, recognizing that their story isn’t over.
Are there areas in our family life that we need to evaluate and possibly change? Is there a course we are on that we need to correct?
Knowing that our kids will be growing up in a difficult world, how can we make them strong?
How can we respond better to those who have turned away from Christ or His Church? How can we keep those lines of communication open?
Who are the “spiritual fathers” in our life? How can we pray for them?
Bible in a Year Podcast
Ascension videos w Fr Mike
Introduction and Fundraising Campaign (0:00 - 4:04) Interview with Father Mike Schmitz Begins (4:04 - 5:09) Father Mike Schmitz's Background (5:09 - 7:02) Parenting and Family Life (7:02 - 13:23) Insights on Parenting and Perfection (13:23 - 18:13) Parental Sacrifice and Consistency (00:19:32 - 00:21:28) Parental Influence and Decision-Making (00:21:28 - 00:23:42) Navigating Marital Challenges (00:23:43 - 00:27:37) Spiritual Fatherhood (00:37:06 - 00:38:41) Parenting Journey and Impact (00:38:42 - 00:41:36) Understanding Parental Heartache (00:46:43:18 - 00:47:31:20) Dealing with Children Leaving Faith (00:47:31:22 - 00:48:57:00) Parental Support and Communication (00:50:29:03 - 00:52:37:11) Sexual Intimacy and Spirituality (00:56:53:17 - 00:58:32:06) Blessing and Spiritual Growth (01:02:14:04 - 01:03:32:18)