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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children ranging from 10 to 27 and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.
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Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
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Feb 10, 2025

Super Habits are like superpowers: as you develop any one of them, your life becomes calmer, more productive, more joyful, and healthier. - Dr. Andrew Abela

 

Summary

Have you ever wanted to stop yelling at your kids?  Be more courteous to your spouse?  Or be more orderly at home?  Enter Super Habits!  These are not just new things for you to learn to do, these are life-changing actions that will make you happier, healthier and more successful in many areas.  In this interview, we spoke to Dr. Andrew Abela, author of the book Super Habits and his wife Kathleen who explained to us how to apply this book to family life.  They gave us some great insights and showed us how Super Habits can be the answer to what we all need in our parenting and marriages.  And the best part is that these habits are already present in us, we just need to activate them.  Listen in! 

 

Key Takeaways

  • Every virtue is a habit anyone can cultivate, not just a characteristic or personality trait.  We can all grow and change. 

  • All new habits create new neurological pathways in our brains, but the advantage of Super Habits is that these are pathways that are native to us already, we already have the “muscles”; we just need to use them. 

  • Super habits do three things - they make us happier, healthier, and they have a positive effect on multiple areas of our lives.   

  • St. Thomas Aquinas has the best system of organizing the virtues! We all need fluency in the language of virtues. 

  • All growth in Super Habits is slow and steady so keep going! 

  • Virtue happens when we channel our desires correctly - not squash them. 

  • Growth in Super Habits is the answer to “helicopter” or “bulldozer” parenting 

  • We need to be aware of the full range of virtues for the full flourishing of the human person. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • In what ways have we already developed some Super Habits?  How did we do that? 

  • What Super Habit will help us in our parenting?  How can we support each other in cultivating it?  



Resources

  • Link to Sophia press book

  • Andrew Abela Linked In - send video clips so he can embed them there. 

  • https://superhabit.substack.com/

  • Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/

  • Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved

 

Feb 3, 2025

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4

In this episode of the Messy Family Podcast, hosts Mike and Alicia Hernon celebrate their 10th year of the podcast and introduce the new studio, setting the stage for a discussion on fatherhood and leadership in the home. They emphasize that while fathers are called by God to lead, many struggle to understand what that truly means in a world that often undermines their role.

True leadership is not about domination but about serving, sacrificing, and guiding with love, following Christ’s example. A father’s success is measured by the unity in his marriage and family, and when discord arises, it signals a need to recalibrate leadership. Mike and Alicia challenge men to overcome passivity, a struggle rooted in Adam’s sin, and to step up, protect, and guide their families with intentional love. Practical steps for dads include pursuing their wives first, taking initiative in family life, loving sacrificially, and leading with unity in mind.

They highlight research showing that a father’s presence has a profound impact on his children’s faith, success, and well-being. While many men feel incompetent in the home, undervalue their influence, or struggle with passivity, Mike and Alicia encourage them to embrace the God-given mission of fatherhood with confidence, knowing that great men and strong fathers are desperately needed today.

 

Key Takeaways

Husbands are called to lead in the home because this is how God is going to make them holy and you were created to give first to be able to receive.

You know you are leading when there is unity, when you are challenged, and when your wife feels safe.

Men need to go in to battle and fight against the tendency to be passive or to avoid what they do not feel competent at.

Never doubt how important you are in the life of your wife and children - they need you!

 

Couple Discussion Questions

Are we happy with our roles of leading our family right now? How are we doing?

How can I (wife) support you (husband) in leading our family?

 

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Jan 27, 2025

Families don’t just have a mission, they ARE a mission! 

 

Summary

When we hear “missionary” many of us automatically think of a single person serving in a third world country.  Then we think, “not me!”  But the reality is that all Catholics are called by their baptism to spread the good news of Jesus throughout the world.  We do that first and foremost in our homes, through the pastoral care of our spouse and children, but there are other ways we can spread the Good News to the world. In this podcast, we interview Tim and Maggie Glemkowski, parents with a heart for mission.  Tim most recently led the National Eucharistic Congress and continues to serve as the executive director of Amazing Parish.  He and Maggie share their story of the struggles they have gone through with their calling and the faithfulness of God through it all.  Their understanding of how to be a family on mission for others is inspiring and encouraging.  Listen in! 

 

Links:

Interested in taking your family on a mission trip?  Contact the Family Mission Experience at www.soltfme.org

Jan 20, 2025

Summary

Since 2018 we have been doing surveys of our listeners to find out who you are, how we can serve you more, and what your needs are.  We have never shared this information with our listeners until now!  Over the years we have had thousands of listeners take this survey and it's interesting to see what has remained the same and what has changed.  We thought it would be encouraging to you to hear that you are not alone!  The struggles that you have told us about are shared by other moms and dads too.  Listen in as we talk about the make-up of most of our listeners, what they told us, and what plans are for the future.  There were also some questions that came up in the survey that we responded to as well.   

 

Links

Last call for the survey!  Closing Jan 31, 2025  https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T59LDRY

 

UK Tour - if you are interested in joining us for any events check out our page here!  

www.messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025

 

Jan 13, 2025

“Catholic parenting is above all a work of grace” - Fr. Carter Griffin

We often say there is no manual for being a parent, but this book comes pretty close!  In this podcast, we interview the author of Forming Families, Forming Saints Fr. Carter Griffin.  Fr. Griffin has worked for years forming young men into priests in the seminary setting.  In doing so, he saw many similarities between what he was doing with young men and what parents were doing at home.  The four pillars of formation in the seminary - human, intellectual, spiritual, and apostolic - can be applied in the family as well! In both settings, ultimately God is the one who does the transforming in people’s lives, but He does choose to use us in the process. We believe this book is a valuable resource for parents that they will be able to refer to again and again.  

 

Key Concepts

  • Parents are proxies. God is the ultimate shaper of their hearts and minds, but He chooses to use us in the lives of our children

  • In the past decade or so there has been an emphasis on the importance of childhood and parenting on a person’s life.  This knowledge is good, but it also has put an incredible amount of pressure on parents to “do it right”. 

  • The four pillars of seminary formation - Human, Spiritual, Intellectual, and Apostolic can be applied for parents forming children within the home.  

  • The most successful parents create an environment of trust in the home through continual dialogue with their children while sending the message that they don’t just love their kids, but they like them too! 

  • Parents need to know they are not alone! There are many other families working alongside you and we have a great cloud of witnesses cheering us on. 

Couple Discussion

  1. Consider the four pillars that Fr. Griffith describes.  How is our child doing in each of these?  Can we make a goal for them in each area? 

  2. Are we overwhelmed by the responsibility of parenting?  How can we rely on God more for the grace that we need and for the grace that our children need?  

Resources

Father’s book:  Forming Families, Forming Saints: https://stpaulcenter.com/product/forming-families-forming-saints/

Find out more about our UK tour in March - https://messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025/

Event in New Jersey with Array of Hope - Beloved https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved

Jan 7, 2025

At the beginning of 2025 we want to challenge parents to step back and reassess their approach to family life by diving into 10 Things to Stop Doing in 2025.  Are you focusing too much on your kids? Caught up in the frantic pace of life? Trying to "fix" your spouse or juggle it all? Let us give you some heartfelt encouragement to let go of habits that create stress, disconnection, and overwhelm. We guarantee this episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to parent with purpose and peace. Let’s start the year by simplifying, slowing down, and focusing on what really matters!  Listen in and get ready to share and bookmark this episode to listen to again and again!  


Free Family Board Meeting Webinar: https://messyfamilyproject.org/fbm-webinar/

Dec 16, 2024

“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage” - St. Francis deSales

 

Summary

What God asks of us as parents is beyond our ability.  We are all in need of God’s grace and that comes through prayer! Now, before you think, “I do not have time for prayer….” take a pause and listen to this episode.  First, remember, we have been there! We had 3 kids under 3, 7 kids under 10 and then 10 under 16!  We know that the crazy pace of life can make us feel like we can never catch our breath.  That being said, we must persevere through the different seasons of life and make sure that we are consistently connected to the source of all life.  Listen in to find ways of “sneaking in” prayer throughout your day, what you may have to let go of, and what you should be able to accomplish. Do not lose heart!  Prayer is not only possible, but it is essential for us to live the life God is calling each of us to. 

 

Key Takeaways

  • The spiritual responsibility of our home lies with parents and it always has. They are essential because they are the first witnesses of the faith to their children.  

  • You cannot be an effective parent without prayer

  • Take advantage of all types of prayer, but we usually need to work the most on prayer of contemplation.  This is where we grow in relationship with God in a personal way. 

  • If we need to grow it is going to cost us.  There is no easy button. 

  • There are seasons in life, and our devotion needs to match it.  

  • Take advantage of the seasons of the year to start fresh! 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  1. What type of prayer are we taking advantage of right now?  How well are we doing it? 

  2. How can we support each other in growing in our prayer life? 



Resources

 

Dec 9, 2024

Kids will not always remember what you say, they will remember how they felt.  

 

Summary

We have talked about the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s being the “Momolympics”, a time when there are tons of things to buy, make, prepare, plan, and basically the happiness of your children all depends on you (at least we feel that way!) How can parents embrace the holidays with children with grace and excitement?  How can we keep in mind what is truly important for our family?  In this episode we give some principles, but also LOTS of practical advice as we look back on all the different holidays we have had with our large family.  Things look different now for us, but we can see in hindsight what worked well for us, and what was unnecessarily stressful!  This is an amazing time of year and when you have kids the happy times are even more joy-filled, but the tough times can be really exhausting.  We are here for you as you work to be intentional, even if you are a messy family! 

 

Key Takeaways

  • The more you plan in advance the less rushed you are going to be. This will help you simplify so you can focus on what really matters.  

  • Keep in mind the order of your family culture!  Spiritual life of the home, marriage, relationships, developing gifts and then the operations of the family. 

  • Get the kids involved!  When they own traditions, it strengthens your family culture when they take on responsibilities for the holidays.

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What are the traditions that we want to double down on and make sure they happen this year? 

  • How are we going to reduce stress and delegate work to the kids?  What is our plan to get them involved?

 

Resources

 

Dec 2, 2024

Graces can flow into your home when nature is in its proper place.  - Connor Gallagher, The Well-Ordered Family

 

Summary

Do you yearn for more order and clarity within your family? Is the chaos and busyness of modern life unsettling the harmony of your household? In this podcast, we interview Conor Gallagher, CEO of multiple businesses and father of sixteen, to talk to him about a transformative system that will restore peace and joy in your household.  We love using business principles to improve family life, and in the Well-Ordered Family, Conor does just that!  Join us for this conversation and find out why its good to realize that we all have systems in our home, how to get control of those systems, and why it is essential that parents not fall into a victim mentality.  Find more about The Well-Ordered Family at https://wellorderedfamily.com/ 



Key Takeaways

  • We all operate with systems in the home whether we realize it or not.  The question is, are these systems effective? 

  • There are many policies that families need to implement, but if you have to start with one, start with your tech policy! 

  • When you are trying to get control of your family life, start by asking the question Why?  Why are we trying to live a certain way? 

  • Parents need to be the architects of their family’s life and habits.  No one else can do it for you.  

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What are the systems in our home that most need attention right now? 

  • Are we falling into a victim mentality when it comes to running our home?  How can we break out of that cycle?

 

Nov 25, 2024

In this episode, we dive into the beauty and power of family history. Mike shares the incredible story of his journey to Ireland—a dream rooted in a deep love for his heritage and a promise to pass it on to his children. From the ruins of his grandfather’s cottage to the windswept cliffs of the Aran Islands, the trip becomes a testament to the importance of staying connected to the past while building a legacy for the future.

As we reflect on the stories of those who came before us, we’re reminded of the sacrifices and struggles that shaped who we are today. Alicia and Mike discuss how understanding our roots can ground us in our present and inspire us to leave a rich legacy for those who will follow. Whether it’s through reclaiming a family cottage or sharing stories with your kids, this episode is a call to embrace the sacred work of family.

We also explore how the holiday season offers a perfect time to reconnect with family traditions. From meaningful Advent meditations to practical tools like the Family Board Meeting course, we’re excited to help you create a home that is intentional and full of life.

A Few Takeaways:

  • The power of family stories to shape our identity and inspire our future
  • The importance of honoring both the joys and struggles in our family history
  • How to talk with your kids about their roots in a meaningful way

🌟 Featured Resources:

  • Beautiful Advent books with Jesse Tree meditations and ornaments
  • The Family Board Meeting webinar on December 8th
  • Exclusive Advent bundles to enrich your holiday traditions

🙏 Let’s pray together for the grace to live lives worthy of those who came before us, and to build homes filled with faith, hope, and love.

💖 If this episode speaks to you, consider supporting the mission of the Messy Family Project. Your generosity makes everything we do possible—from free resources to life-changing events. Together, we can strengthen families and inspire faith.

#FamilyStories #HeritageAndHope #MessyFamilyProject #RootedInFaith

Nov 18, 2024

“Guided and strengthened by God’s grace, husband and wife advance their own perfection… and contribute jointly to the glory of God” ~ Gaudium et Spes

 

Summary

You should never marry someone with the idea that you can change them, but we do need to help our spouses become the best version of themselves.  We all should have a vision, a belief that our spouse can be amazing and then work with them for their good.  In this podcast, we hear the inspiring story of Dan and Brenda - a couple from two different families, faith backgrounds, and life philosophies. Though they were different, they were able to learn from each other and build an incredible life together by the grace of God.  Through their story, we were able to draw out lessons that all of us can learn from.  

Nov 11, 2024

Show me your checkbook and your datebook and I will show you what you value

 

Summary

So much of what we talk about on this podcast really hits home when it comes to how we spend our time.  Family dinner, date nights, prayer time, even mass comes down to making time to do it.  Four things determine how we run our lives and our family - talent, money, energy and time. Every one has different amounts of energy and talent and money, but we all have the same amount of time!  How we use it is what matters.  In this podcast we discuss how to evaluate the activities in our home and what we need to prioritize.  This is a re-release of the podcast “Busyness” originally aired in the summer of 2017. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

 

  • Where in our life are we too busy?  Where do we need to make time for what is really important? 

  • Where do we need better routines in our home to bring peace?  

 

Nov 4, 2024

“Genuine humility never disturbs the soul.  Rather it is accompanied by peace, joy and calm” St. Theresa of Avila

 

Summary

What is the biggest problem in Catholic marriages?  Although we appreciate good communication tools, marriage insights, and mentors - at the end of the day the biggest problem is simply a lack of holiness.  One essential tool in our quest for holiness is learning how to ask for forgiveness.  When we have conflict in our home, we all need to ask ourselves the question - what could I have done differently?  When we take ownership in this way, we can repent to God and then ask forgiveness of our spouse or children in order to repair that relationship.  Often we will focus only on our sins and try to amend our lives, but in addition to those good things, we also need to seek to reconcile the relationship and ask for forgiveness.  

 

Key Takeaways

  • When there is conflict in the home, we always need to ask ourselves how have I contributed to this situation and what could I have done differently? 

  • Taking extreme ownership means that you don’t make excuses, but instead recognize that the past does not have power over you any more.  You always have a choice.

  • When you are aware of your weakness, you are more open to asking for forgiveness and growing in holiness

  • Asking forgiveness also repairs the rupture in the relationship that happens as a result of our actions.

  • When you ask forgiveness and make your heart pure through Confession, then you are able to more clearly see God.  “The pure in heart shall see God” Matt 5:8

  • A daily examen should include asking for forgiveness of family members we have sinned against.  

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • Reflect on your marriage and children and ask God to show you areas in which you need to change.  Go to your spouse and children and ask their forgiveness. 

  • When can we do a daily examen in our household?  How can we incorporate regular asking of forgiveness?



References:

Dealing with Failure podcast:  MPF 140 

Forgiveness MP 060 

Forgiveness and Transformation MFP 165

Romans 12

Matthew 18:21-35

Guide to Parenthood:  Forgiveness in the Family

Oct 28, 2024

In this special Q&A episode, we dive into some of the most heartfelt questions from our listeners. From the complex question of whether to expand the family to grappling with grief, boundaries in marriage, and integrating elderly parents into a household, these issues strike at the core of family life. We also tackle how to balance the call to evangelize in a world that often conflicts with our values—especially when raising children in today’s cultural climate. Join us as we explore these tough topics with compassion, real-life insights, and guidance for finding peace, strength, and unity in family life amidst life’s many challenges.

Couple Discussion Questions

  • Expanding the Family: How do we each feel about the possibility of having more children, and what are our hopes or concerns? How can we respect and support each other’s feelings in this decision?

  • Emotional Connection and Boundaries: Are there areas where we hold back in sharing our emotions? How can we create a safe space to be vulnerable and open with each other?

  • Navigating Grief and Hard Times: How have we supported each other through past challenges, and what can we learn from those experiences to better support each other now?

  • Integrating Family Generations: If we needed to bring an elderly family member into our home, what expectations and boundaries would help create harmony for everyone?

  • Raising Kids with Faith in a Secular Culture: What are our biggest concerns about raising children in today’s world, and how do we feel called to engage with those who have different values while protecting our family’s faith?

Oct 21, 2024

“It’s important that we remember to talk ‘to’ our kids, not ‘at’ them” - Mark Hart

 

Summary

Parents are rightly concerned today about the influence of the culture on their teens.  As much as we would like to put our kids in a teflon bubble to shield them from the false fake culture of the world, it is just not possible!  What do our kids need from us to prepare them for life?  Join us in this podcast for a conversation with Mark Hart of Lifeteen - a speaker, author, and parent himself of teens and adult children.  Mark gives us some great insights (and laughs!) on how to talk to your kids, what they are REALLY looking for, and what not to be afraid of.   We were blessed in this conversation and we are thrilled to be able to share it with you! 

 

Key Takeaways

  • Keeping teens in a “teflon” bubble and trying to shield them from the world their whole lives doesn’t work.  We need to teach them and get them ready.

  • Kids need space to ask questions and have conversations with their parents without feeling judged.  Pushing back is a natural part of maturation. 

  • Teens demand authenticity!  They challenge us to be real and that is good for us and for the Church. 

  • Talk “to” your kids, not “at” them. 

  • Significant conversations with our teens allow our lives to re-echo across the generations.  Take time for conversations.  

  • For parents, the 20 minutes you spend focused on your child and not on yourself is as spiritually beneficial as a Holy Hour! 

  • Parents should be less concerned with WHAT your child knows and more concerned about WHO is teaching them and where they are getting their information from

  • God entrusted these souls to you for a season. They will not be living under your roof forever. 

  • See your child as a whole person.  You need to spend time with them and really “see” them.  

  • A successful home has three altars: the dinner table to share life and food, the coffee table to gather with family and friends for ideas and fun, and the marriage bed that forms the foundation of the family. 

  • Parents often think of themselves as a hose that ideas and prayer comes through, but we need to be like a fountain - filled up so much in ourselves that we spill over onto our spouse, children, and everyone around us. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • Do we take time to have significant conversations with our kids?  How can we do this more? 

  • Looking at the maturity of our children, are we protecting them too  much?  Not enough? 

  • How are we doing in using the “three altars” of our home?  Are all three of them places that are giving life to our family? 

 

Links:

  • Ascension press - Bible Heroes

  • Register for the Family Board Meeting

  • WWM On Demand course 

  • Listener Survey

 

Oct 14, 2024

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife.  Proverbs 25:24



Summary

All of us do things that annoy our spouse.  Occasionally, we do things that hurt our spouse and vice versa.  How do we communicate about these situations?  Is it effective to tell them what they have done wrong?  Is that what the scriptures tell us to do?  In this episode, we discuss what it means to take “extreme ownership” of our own actions and emotions before trying to “fix” your spouse.  We believe that the key to a strong marriage is finding how you can support each other on the road to heaven - and that means having the humility to see your own weaknesses first and embracing them.  Once you have sought forgiveness and healed the relationship, then a conversation about how things could have gone differently can be more productive.  Listen in to hear how you can move more intentionally towards unity through communication and forgiveness. 



Key Takeaways

  • Couples need to take the principles of “gentle parenting” and apply them to each other!  Skills like expressing empathy, giving guidance, and articulating feelings are all needed in marriage. 

  • When you correct someone, you put yourself above them. This is appropriate in a parent/child relationship, or even a boss/employee relationship, but really not in marriage where you have two equals.

  • We can help our spouses to be self-reflective about situations by asking questions that can help them think about what they wanted the outcome to be and what actually happened. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What can I do better to help you in areas that you want to grow in?  

  • Who is challenging me?  Who do I look to as an example, as a mentor to progress in holiness? 

  • How can my spouse help me?

 

Oct 7, 2024

“You can learn many things from toddlers! For example, how much patience you actually have.” 

-Anonymous

One blessing of having ten kids is that we have matured and learned enough about kids to appreciate the toddler years of children #9 and 10 much more than those years with children #1 and 2. Our advice to parents of toddlers is to start by enjoying them! It’s hard to do when they are destroying your house and embarrassing you in public, but with a few strategies and consistency on your part, you can begin to see that this little bundle of creative energy has been amazingly designed by the Divine Creator. It’s all part of His plan to get this child to adulthood and independence, and to get you to heaven!

 

Key Takeaways

  • All children need to be delighted in, but especially the young child!  Take time to relax and enjoy them.  

  • Toddlers challenge us to begin saying “yes” to them and their needs and “no” to our own desires.  This is the great vocation of parenting! 

  • Giving choices is good, but don’t burden them by giving them too many choices. 

  • When they are having a tantrum, the question you should ask yourself is “what is the need here?”  and then choose to respond NOT react.  Through your calmness you are teaching them that you are in charge and they are not.

  • Routine and stability are key!  When they have a natural flow to their day that is predictable they can tend to be more peaceful. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What are our natural responses to our toddlers?  What do we think about that? 

  • What are our toddlers emotional outbursts like?  What triggers them?  How can we respond? 

  • What is our normal routine for our children?   Is this working for them?  

  • What do we do with our toddlers at mass?  Is this is a good plan?

Notes:

Sep 30, 2024

Other Resources

Welcome His Heart:  https://welcomehisheart.com/

MFP 165: Forgiveness Brings Freedom and Transformation

Videos - Evangelizing Your Kids and Forgiveness in the Family https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/pizza-and-parenting/watch/



Key Takeaways

  • Parents must be very intentional about evangelizing their children and bringing them into a relationship with Christ.

  • Marriage is a sacrament of service to the world.  Our marriages are not just for us, they are an office of service. 

  • Every mother and father is to act as “priests of the home” and take up the spiritual authority God has given them for the sake of their children. 

  • Forgiveness is key to restoring relationships that have been broken and can teach children powerful lessons on relationships. 

  • In order to transform your family you will need to start with these three things - create habits to support your goals, make Jesus the king of your home, and build community to support your family. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • How are we leading together in the home?  Have we taken up that call to spiritual leadership? 

  • What is my understanding of forgiveness?  How can we live this out better within our home and our relationships? 

  • How is our marriage serving others?  How are we giving from the well of our sacrament? 

  • What are 2 resolutions that we can make today to start living a transformed family life?

 

Sep 23, 2024

“You and your spouse are a team that GOD wants together!” - Art and LaraineBennett

 

Summary

The first step in creating a dynamic family is to know the people who are in it!  That starts with knowing yourself, then your spouse, and then your children.  One of the tools that we love using for this knowledge is the classic four temperaments - choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic. The leading Catholic authors on the temperaments are Art and Laraine Bennett, authors of the book The Temperament God Gave You and many other great resources!  In this conversation we pepper them with questions about what the temperaments are, why knowing the temperaments are important, and how they can change your parenting. This podcast is FULL of great tips and resources of parents of any age.  Listen in!



Key Takeaways

  • Temperaments are only ONE aspect of our personality.  Many things make each one of us unique. 

  • Temperaments are part of the wisdom of the ancients, but they also have been extensively studied in modern psychology

  • Your temperament is the way you REACT.  Knowing our temperament helps us to learn how to RESPOND to others in love.  

  • As a parent, knowing our children’s temperaments helps because we can teach them how to mature by focusing on their strengths and helping them process their weaknesses. 

  • When we react we will fly, fight, or freeze.  Learning the “art of the pause” will help us respond in love and get out of “reaction mode”.   

  • You and your spouse can help each other by knowing your gifts and giving each other alternatives to handling difficult situations.

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • Take the quiz at https://temperamentquiz.com and link your account with your spouse.  

  • Observe your children this week.  During a date night, talk about the temperament of each child and how you can encourage their strengths. 

  • What are our gifts as a couple?  How can we better use them for the good of our children?

 

Sep 16, 2024

Your authority in the family does not come from perfection, it comes as a grace from your parenthood.

 

Summary

There are two kinds of families - those that are frantic and those that are fruitful.  As Catholics we have an incredible grace to be fruitful families, but often our families don’t look much different than the secular, frantic families around us!  How can we live family life differently? There are so many different parenting philosophies out there.  Which ones should Catholics follow?  In this podcast, we give an overview of The Catholic Parenting Course - a guide for parents who want to have a roadmap for raising their families to be in the world, but not of the world.  The two parts of this podcast are how to parent like God the Father and then the secret weapon of the Catholic family (our regular listeners can guess what that is!).   Listen in! 

 

Other Resources

 

Book:  Abba’s Heart

Podcast:  MFP096 and 097, Elements of a Family Culture and Building a Family Culture

 

Key Takeaways

  • To parent like God the Father, we need to start by conforming our hearts to His.

  • Unity within your marriage needs to flow out and encompass everyone, all of your children giving them purpose and belonging.

  • More than anything else, our children need us to delight in them. 

  • Forming the hearts of our children is our sacred task.  Our goal should be to hand over the locus of control from us as parents to them.

  • When lived intentionally, the culture within your home can be a powerful weapon against secular forces arrayed against us. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • Do we see our Heavenly Father as delighting in us?  Why or why not? 

  • On a continuum from isolation to oneness, where are we now?  How unified are we in our home? 

  • What does it mean to delight in our children?  What does that look like for each of us, realizing that we will do this differently? 

  • What are the values that our family culture is communicating to our children?

 

Sep 9, 2024

Summary:

In this episode, we explore several listener's questions about how to manage friendships when personal values differ, particularly in situations where children are involved. Mike and Alicia are joined by their daughter, Katie to dive into the challenge of maintaining friendships with those whose lifestyle choices may conflict with Catholic teaching, while still modeling love and compassion for others. The conversation focuses on how to love the person, hold true to your beliefs, and balance protecting your family’s moral development. 

Couple Discussion Questions:

How can you love friends or family members who hold values different from your own while protecting your children’s development?

How do you explain complex adult relationships to your children in a way that aligns with your values?

What boundaries do you set when it comes to relationships that conflict with your beliefs? 

Resources:

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Sep 2, 2024

Beauty resets our compass.  It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. ~ Andrew Peterson

 

Summary

Our children will grow no matter what, but how they grow and what they learn is heavily dependent on their environment.  Parents can shape the world of their children to include beauty, freedom of artistic expression, and space to wonder.  In this podcast, we talk to Andrew Peterson, singer, songwriter, author, father and now grandfather.  Over the last 25 years, Andrew has used his creative talents in the world of music and fantasy books for kids. He has done this out of the firm belief in the power of art to commuicate eternal truths and draw people into relationship with God.  Our family has been blessed by his work over the past 25 years and we hope that all our families will be too! 



Key Takeaways

  • Parents need to shape the world to be beautiful for their children.  Beauty evangelizes even to the very young child. Art, in all its expressions, is essential to life. 

  • Beauty resets the compass.  It reminds us of who we are and what we are made for. It awakens within us the desire for the Kingdom - God’s Kingdom here on earth and in heaven.  

  • Delight in your children.  They need to know that they are wonderfully made and they learn that by how we respond to them. 

  • Sin is when I forget who I am.  Our kids need to be solid in their identity as a child of God and so do we! 

  • We need to learn to desire things in the right order.  Sin happens when we live a life of disorder.  As parents we can help order the lives of our children in the right way. 



Couple Discussion Questions

  • How does our family experience art (music, literature, movies) in our home?  What do these things communicate to our children? 

  • Do we delight in our children?  How can we do this more? 

  • What are we doing in our home to help our children “desire things in the right order?”  How can we shape the environment in our home to do this?  

 

Resources

  • God in the Garden

  • Wingfeather Series (books)

  • Wingfearther series (series on Angel studios)

  • Andrew-peterson.com

  • Music list on spotify

 

Aug 26, 2024

“21% of teens said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their parents. Only 8% of parents said their #1 concern was not having enough time with their kids.” ― Meg Meeker

 

Summary

After 13 years of marriage we had six children and were pretty confident in our parenting. But when our oldest daughter became a teenager, we felt like we needed to learn how to parent all over again!  This sweet 12 year old seemed to begin changing before our eyes and we had to pivot pretty quickly to learn what it was that she needed and what our new role was as parents.  The teen years do not need to be horrible.  In contrast, it should be the flowering of all the parenting you have done and an exciting time for you and your child!  The question for parents is how do I learn how to love my child during this turbulent time of change from being a child to being an adult.  In this episode, we give you some principles to remember and some practical things you can do to REALLY love your teenager.  

 

Key Takeaways

  • If you want your teen to grow in virtue and maturity, you must give them freedom.   Parents of teens move from being a protector to being a coach.  

  • For teens who are forming their identity in relation to the world, their interests are equal with who they are.  So if you learn more about their music, games, friends, and trends, they will receive the message that you like them, not just love them. 

  • Teens need to be encouraged to take appropriate risks. Failure is a part of learning.  They won’t succeed at everything they do and that is OK.  This is the best time for them to learn these lessons.  

  • Invite them into spiritual adulthood.  Give them the opportunity to make the faith their own.  

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • Looking back on your teen years, do you love your “teen self”?  How can you grow in this? 

  • List the names of your tweens and teens.  What do you love about them? Share with your spouse and add to the list together. 

  • What are your concerns about your teens?  Does your spouse have the same concerns?  Why or why not? 

  • In what areas are you giving too much freedom?  Where can you help your teen grow in independence?

 

Resources

  • The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

IGen by Jean Twenge

Aug 19, 2024

Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.
~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock

Summary

All of us come into our vocations with expectations.  We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions.  We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way.  The problem is, we can’t always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses.  In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow.  We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today.  This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity.  

Key Takeaways

  • Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed.

  • Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse.  They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness.

  • Don’t lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage. 

  • No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude.  There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness.  

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What were my expectations coming into our marriage?  

  • Which of these were fulfilled?  Which has led to disappointment? 

  • What am I grateful for?  

Resources

Article on Expectations and Happiness

Aug 12, 2024

The body is not meaningless, but meaningful - Jason Evert

Summary

Join us for this insightful conversation with Jason Evert, speaker and author.  Jason has spoken all over the world and has created numerous resources for preteens and teens to dive deep into what it means to be free to love.  Often parents feel under-equipped to talk about sex and chastity, but it is within the home that these lessons need to be learned and it is where they are taught most effectively.  The first step is to communicate to your children how much you delight in them.  Then we can speak to their hearts the truth of who they are.  After that, we can teach them that by embracing the virtue of chastity we can truly be free to love others with a love like God’s.  Jason’s new series for preteens, Envision, can be found at Ascension Press.



Key Takeaways

  • We can’t just tell our kids what NOT to do, but we must communicate that chastity gives them freedom.  Chastity gives them the freedom to love. 

  • Knowing the theology of our bodies answers the question, “Who am I and how should I live?” 

  • The world tells our kids that their bodies are meaningless, but in reality, they are meaningful.  What we do with our bodies matters.  

  • Rules without relationships breed rebellion.  Most of our kids know we love them, but do they believe we like them?  That we like being with them?  That is the foundation that needs to be laid to form them. 



Couple Discussion Questions

  • How are we communicating to our kids now that what they do with their bodies matters?  

  • What are some ways we can show our kids not just that we LOVE them but that we LIKE them too?  

  • Do we understand the importance of Theology of the Body?  Is this something we need to look into more?  

 

Resources

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