Info

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Parenting is not a clean-cut, simple process for those who like to follow the rules. Family life is messy and unpredictable, but it is the greatest adventure you will ever have. We are Mike and Alicia Hernon, parents of 10 children with a growing number of grandchildren, and we would like to invite you into some of the conversations we have had with each other about marriage, parenting, and Catholic family life. Our hope is that our conversation sparks a dialogue between you and your spouse that leads to greater unity and intentional Christian parenting in your home. Listen in to our podcast and start the conversation as we seek to lead our families to heaven. Visit us at https:///www/MessyFamilyProject.org for resources, guides, links and show notes.
RSS Feed
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
2026
May
April
March
February
January


2025
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2024
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2023
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2022
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2021
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2020
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2019
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2018
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2017
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2016
December
November
October
September
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2015
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


All Episodes
Archives
Now displaying: 2026
May 11, 2026

“First Communion is about far more than a single day—it’s about nurturing a lifelong relationship with Jesus.” - Katie McGrady

 

Summary

Preparing your child for First Communion or Reconciliation can feel overwhelming—but what if it’s actually an invitation for your own faith to grow?

In this episode, we sit down with authors and speakers Tommy and Katie McGrady to talk about why parents are the most important influence in their children’s spiritual lives. They share why sacramental preparation isn’t just about checking a box—it’s about helping children encounter Jesus in a personal way. We discuss simple ways parents can start today: talking openly about faith, recognizing Jesus in everyday moments, and even being honest when you don’t have all the answers.

The beautiful surprise? When parents walk with their children toward the sacraments, they often rediscover their own faith along the way.  This episode will encourage you, equip you, and remind you—you don’t have to be perfect to lead your children to Christ.



Key Takeaways

  • Children who have a personal faith by middle school are much more likely to keep the faith than those who see mass simply as an obligation. 

  • Parents must have conversations with their kids about why the faith is important to them personally. 

  • Develop small tangible ways of recognizing Jesus’ presence such as the sign of the cross when passing a church. 

  • It’s ok to say to your children, “I don’t know, let’s figure it out” 

  • Vulnerability with your children about your own faith journey is key. 

  • Preparing a child for the sacraments helps parents also to see them in a new way and appreciate the gift that they are.

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What do you remember about your sacrament prep?  What do you wish had been done differently?  

  • How do you pray after communion?  How can we encourage our children to pray?

May 4, 2026

Family culture is more than a mission statement, it's a way of life that communicates powerfully. 

 

Summary

What are you really cultivating in your home? In this episode, we explore the deeper meaning of family culture through the lens of cultus—to till, tend, and worship. Your home is a garden, and the way you live together is already forming a culture, whether intentional or not! We unpack how culture is shaped by what you value—and how those values must be visible in both what you do and how you act. It’s not big talks but consistent, daily habits that form your family. Children learn most from what you model, especially in your relationships. Through open communication, shared routines, and a clear family vision, you can build a culture that forms your children to love, serve, and live with purpose. Listen in! 

 

Key Takeaways

  • 1. Family culture needs to be intentional

  • 2. Values need to be visible and practiced

  • 3. Consistency matters more than intensity

  • 4. Parents model more than they teach

  • 5. Communication is the backbone

  • 6. Shared vision strengthens culture

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • * What do we actually reward in this family?

  • * What behaviors do we tolerate that contradict our values?

  • * What do our kids see us do when things go wrong?

 

Resources

Apr 27, 2026

Your child is not a problem to be solved, but a person to be known.

 

Summary

If you’ve ever thought, “How can one small human make this much noise… about EVERYTHING?”—this episode is for you.  We’re diving into the all-too-familiar world of complaining kids—the sighs, the groans, the “Do I have to?”—and how it can slowly drain the joy right out of your home. But instead of just surviving it (or losing your sanity), in this episode we will look at understanding WHY kids complain and give you some practical tools to respond in charity.  With humor, honesty, and a little help from the Israelites in the desert (yes, really), we’ll explore what’s really going on beneath the complaints—and how God might be inviting us to grow, too.  Because your child isn’t a problem to fix—they’re a person to love.  Come laugh, be encouraged, and get a fresh perspective.

 

Key Takeaways

  • All complaining is like sin - it is ordered towards something good but taking the wrong path

  • Remember the phrase "I won't allow your bad mood to ruin my day"

  • Make sure you take the time to fill your kids up with your love and delight.  They are not a problem to be solved, they are a person to be known

  • No matter why kids are complaining, you need to teach them the right way to respond and dialogue with you. 

  • Give opportunities to model and practice an attitude of gratitude with your family. 

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What is our plan when our children start to complain? 

  • What in our hearts is triggered by complaining children? 

 

Resources

https://ifstudies.org/blog/hard-parenting-better-relationships-new-evidence

https://ifstudies.org/blog/yes-virginia-you-do-have-to-hug-grandma-this-christmas

 

Apr 20, 2026

There is a need for a crusade of manliness and purity to counteract and nullify the savage work of those who think man is a beast. And that crusade is your work. ~St. Josemaría Escrivá

 

Summary

How do you talk to your kids about purity without turning it into a list of rules and constant “no’s”?  Join us for this conversation with Fr. Carter Griffin about the importance of purity and self-mastery.  This episode invites parents to shift the focus to what purity says yes to: love, freedom, and a future built on integrity. We discuss why teens demand authenticity and how sharing your own striving for goodness, with discernment, builds trust instead of hypocrisy. You’ll learn how to react when your child falls and create a space for them to speak honestly without fear of shock or shame, especially when mistakes happen.  With clarity and compassion, Fr. Griffin challenges parents to invite their children into something greater than themselves, grounded in mercy at every step. The fight for purity is intense, but it is far from hopeless.

Key Takeaways

  • Teach your children what they are saying YES to, not just what they need to say NO to.  Purity is more than a list of rules, it is saying YES to your future spouse. 

  • Teens especially demand authenticity and can tell if you are being hypocritical.  With appropriate discernment, talk about your own striving for goodness and the boundaries you have set for yourself in these areas. 

  • Develop a "confessor's face".  Be prepared to not show emotion or shock when your child admits to you an area of sin or when you find out about it.  Parents need to be very aware of the trap of shame for a child caught in sexual sin. 

  • Call you children to a higher standard, but always start with mercy. 

  • Invite your children little by little into ownership of their own formation and practice of virtue.  

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • How can we model appropriate marital love and affection for our children?  

  • When and where will we start this conversation with our children about the dangers of porn and the traps that are found in our culture?  How will we continue this conversation? 

  • How can we give our children opportunities to practice self-mastery, not just blind obedience to rules? 

 

Resources

 

Apr 13, 2026

When I stopped trying to fix or change my child, and explored my own role in fostering bullying behaviors, I found the answers I needed. These behaviors were a direct consequence of my own insecurities. - Sean Grover, Ph.D.

Summary

Parents often make excuses for their children’s outrageous behavior, whether it's a preschooler’s tantrum or a teen’s sullen refusal to do what he or she has been asked. Children who become unmanageable or verbally abusive to their parents are, in fact, bullies, although most parents don’t think of these behaviors in that way. Maybe they should.

Key Takeaways

  • Kids aren’t the problem—unchecked patterns are.  When disrespect or control shows up in a child, it often points back to gaps in parental boundaries, consistency, or self-awareness.

  • Testing limits is normal. Running the house is not.  Kids are supposed to push boundaries, but they also need parents who confidently hold them. That’s what makes them feel secure.

  • Your parenting is shaped by your past.  How you were raised affects how you handle conflict, discipline, and respect. If you don’t examine it, you’ll repeat it.

  • Inconsistency creates escalation.  When parents give in, avoid, or explode, kids learn to push harder. Over time, this can turn into manipulative or aggressive behavior.

  • Healthy authority starts with self-control.  Calm, consistent, self-aware parenting is more powerful than strict rules or harsh discipline. Kids follow who you are, not just what you say.



Couple Discussion Questions

  • Where do we struggle most with consistency or follow-through as parents? (Be specific about situations where you tend to give in, avoid, or overreact.)

  • How did the way we were raised shape how we respond to our kids today? (Think about conflict, discipline, and handling disrespect.)

  • Are we aligned in how we set and enforce boundaries? If not, where are we off?  (And what’s one practical change we can agree to make this week?)

 

Resources

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/singletons/201509/the-3-types-of-parents-who-get-bullied-by-their-own-children

Apr 6, 2026

The most effective parents aren’t the loudest—they’re the most consistent.

Summary

Why do we yell at our kids, even when we know it doesn't work? In this episode, we unpack the hard truth behind yelling in parenting: it's often not a discipline strategy, but a reaction to stress, frustration, and lack of follow-through. While it may get quick results, it slowly weakens our authority and damages connection with our kids.  We talk about why yelling becomes a habit, what it's actually teaching our children, and how to replace it with calmer, more effective discipline. You'll walk away with simple, practical strategies to respond with intention instead of reaction, and build a home where your voice doesn't have to get louder to be heard.  This is a re-release of "Yelling, the Lazy Approach to Parenting".

Key Takeaways

  • Pause before reacting to your child.  Take a breath and step away if needed. 

  • Get physically close.  Instead of yelling across the house, get up and go to them and make eye contact.  

  • Use fewer words, but use them clearly.  Short instructions are better than long, angry diatribes. 

  • Follow through consistently.  Sometimes kids don't listen the first time because you never made clear that is what you expect. 

  • Address your own triggers. Notice when you tend to yell and plan ahead for those moments. 

  • Make sure to repair the relationship when you mess up.  When we apologize we model humility and it can actually strengthen your relationship.  

Couple Discussion Questions

  • When are we most likely to yell at our kids? (Time of day, situation, stress level)

  • How does yelling affect our relationship with them long-term?

  • What would change in our home if the kids listened to us without raising our voices?

Mar 30, 2026

“The sexual revolution was not about freedom. It was about transferring power from families to the state.” - Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse

Summary

What really makes a family essential, and why does it matter so much right now?  In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse makes a compelling, research-based case for why children need both their mother and their father. We explore the irreplaceable role of mothers in forming trust and attachment, the unique responsibility of fathers to provide protection, limits, and direction, and how these roles evolve as children grow. You’ll hear why the family is not outdated or insignificant, but the best and most natural place for human formation.

We also dig into the devastation of the sexual revolution, unpacking the contraceptive, divorce, and gender ideologies and how they’ve reshaped society at the expense of the most vulnerable. This conversation is a powerful reminder that there is no substitute for family, and the Church was right all along.

Key Takeaways

  • Children don’t just need love in general. They need the distinct, complementary presence of both a mother and a father, especially in their earliest years of formation.

 

  • The family is the primary place where a child learns how to use freedom well. There is no automatic or “invisible” process that forms character without intentional relationships.

 

  • Mothers and fathers have different but equally vital roles that change over time, from early attachment and safety to setting limits and guiding children toward independence.

 

  • The sexual revolution has weakened families by separating sex from children, marriage, and the body itself, with serious consequences for the most vulnerable, especially children.



Couple Discussion Questions

 

  • How do we intentionally live out our roles as mother and father in our family right now, and where might we need to grow or adjust together?

 

  • In what ways has the culture shaped our view of marriage, parenting, or family life, and how can we more consciously build our home around truth rather than those messages?

Resources:

The Ruth Institute:  https://ruthinstitute.org/

 

Mar 23, 2026

Summary

How do we help our children discover the gift that they are? In this episode, we explore the powerful cycle of identity, belonging, and mission—and how it unfolds across the key stages of childhood. From the early years of wonder and dependence, to the exploratory middle years, to the identity-shaping teen years, we unpack what children need most at each phase—and how parents can respond with confidence.  We dive into how children develop their gifts, navigate friendships, and grow into their sexual identity, as we highlight the unique role parents play—not as controllers, but as guides, coaches, and mentors.  The goal? To raise children who not only know who they are—but are equipped to live it out with purpose.

 

Key Takeaways

  • Development happens in stages—and each one matters.  

    • 0–6: Children absorb everything. They need love, security, and protection of innocence.  

    • 6–12: The “explorer” stage—kids discover gifts through play, friendship, and trying new things.

    • 12–18: Adult Identity is formed. Teens begin asking, Who am I? What am I made for?

  • Your role as a parent must evolve.  In the early years you are a nurturer and protector.  In the middle years you are an observer and encourager of gifts.  Then in the teen years you are a coach and guide

  • By adolescence, formation happens largely outside the home—through friends, mentors, and experiences.

  • Especially in ages 6-12, exposure and exploration are critical.  Kids need freedom to try, fail, quit, and try again. This is how they discover their natural gifts.

  • Parental guidance—especially from fathers to sons—is crucial during key windows of development.

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What stage is my child in right now—and how might I need to adjust my role to better support them in this season?

 

  • Where might my child need more freedom to explore their gifts, or more encouragement from me to persevere through challenges?

 

Mar 16, 2026

Summary

There is so much noise in the world of parenting today, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by pressure, comparison, and fear. In this episode, Mike and Alicia remind parents that there is not just one way to raise a family well. God has given you the grace for your mission, and your job is not to control your children or guarantee outcomes. Your call is to build a strong marriage, create a healthy home, communicate your values, and allow God to use family life to make you holy. Parenting is not about perfection — it is about faithfulness.

Key Takeaways

  • There is not just one right way to be a good parent.

  • God gives you the grace for the family and mission He has entrusted to you.

  • Your marriage must remain the foundation of your family.

  • A child-centered family creates unhealthy pressure and instability.

  • Your children have free will, so parenting is about faithfulness, not control.

  • Parenting is one of the primary ways God makes us holy through sacrifice and love.

  • You are irreplaceable in the life of your child and responsible for forming the culture of your home.

Couple Discussion Questions

  • Where do we feel the most pressure or insecurity in our parenting right now?

  • In what ways can we strengthen our marriage as the foundation of our family life?

  • Are there any ways our home has become too child-centered?

  • What values are we most trying to communicate to our children?

  • How might God be using parenting to refine us and make us holy?

 

Mar 9, 2026

"Without a life of prayer, you are really not living as a Catholic" - Matt Leonard

 

Summary

What does it really mean to “go deeper” in prayer? And what if you pray every day but don’t feel anything?  This week we’re joined by Matthew Leonard, founder of The Science of Sainthood, to talk about what real spiritual growth looks like. We break down the three modes of prayer, vocal, meditation, and contemplation, and how they form a path to holiness. Matthew shares practical steps for building a daily habit of mental prayer, handling distractions, and creating space for silence. We also talk about how married couples can grow spiritually together without pressure or guilt.  If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re making progress in your prayer life, this conversation will give you clarity, encouragement, and a clear next step.

 

Key Takeaways

  • Prayer is essential, not optional.  Without prayer, we’re not really living the fullness of Catholic life. A relationship with the Lord isn’t an add-on. It’s fundamental.

  • There’s a path to deeper prayer.  Vocal prayer, meditation, and contemplation build on each other. Vocal prayer engages body and soul. Meditation is daily mental prayer and real conversation with God. Contemplation is a gift from God that we prepare for through faithfulness.

  • “Feeling nothing” doesn’t mean nothing is happening.  Distractions are normal. Lack of emotion isn’t failure. Stay faithful, show up, and trust that God is at work beneath the surface.

  • Consistency creates growth.  Commit to a time and place. Embrace silence. Use Scripture or spiritual reading to focus. Act on inspirations. Over time, deeper prayer opens you to greater grace.

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • How can we support each other as we grow in our prayer life? 

  • What does our personal prayer life actually look like right now, and where do we each feel invited to go deeper?

 

Resources

https://www.scienceofsainthood.com/

 

Mar 2, 2026

Love is not a feeling.  It's a daily choice, a habit practiced proactively.

 

Summary

What if intimacy isn’t built in the big moments, but in the small ones you almost miss? In this episode, we explore the idea of bids for connection, the everyday ways we reach for each other through a question, a touch, a story, or even a glance across the room. We talk about what happens when those bids are noticed and met with kindness, and what slowly unfolds when they are ignored. You’ll hear how responsiveness, presence, and emotional generosity shape trust, passion, and long-term happiness more than grand romantic gestures ever could. If you want a stronger, closer relationship, this conversation will help you see the simple choices that build intimacy over time.

Couple Discussion Questions

  • What are some small bids that you make that I may not always notice?

  • What is one simple way we could turn toward each other more consistently this week?

Key Takeaways

  • Bids are everyday requests for connection.
    They can be verbal or nonverbal, big or small, serious or playful.

  • Turning toward builds trust and intimacy.
    Consistent responsiveness creates emotional safety and closeness.

  • Ignored bids create distance over time.
    Missed or rejected bids often lead to frustration, criticism, and disconnection.

  • Vulnerability grows through small, repeated moments.
    Clear, honest bids and kind responses strengthen intimacy more than grand gestures.

 

Resources

https://www.eviemagazine.com/post/the-case-for-centering-your-life-around-romantic-love

https://therapygroupdc.com/therapist-dc-blog/bids-for-connection-why-small-gestures-matter-in-relationships/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/want-to-improve-your-relationship-start-paying-more-attention-to-bids/

MFP Guide to Communication  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/

Feb 23, 2026

There is nothing that the power of the resurrection cannot redeem in your life. - Fr. Shawn Monahan

 

Summary

What do we do with the wounds we carry, especially in marriage? In this powerful episode, Fr. Shawn Monahan shares a trauma-informed vision of spirituality that meets us in our real stories. We’re all wounded, some more deeply than others, and healing begins with honest self-knowledge, self-acceptance, and inviting Christ into our pain.  Fr. Shawn explains how our desires are shaped for good, how sin is seeking that good in the wrong ways, and why shame keeps us stuck. Christianity isn’t behavior management. It’s transformation through relationship.  You’ll also hear practical wisdom for forgiveness, vulnerability, and praying with your spouse. If you’re longing for renewal and lasting peace, this conversation offers real hope. Check out his free workshop, “The Path to Healing Our Broken Hearts.”  Link below!

 

Key Takeaways

  • We need a trauma-informed spirituality.
    Everyone carries wounds. Some are deeper than others. The Church must recognize this reality and respond with compassion, emotional awareness, and an understanding of how early experiences shape us.

  • Healing begins with self-knowledge and self-acceptance.
    By becoming aware of our reactions and emotions, we grow in self-understanding. This allows us to accept ourselves and become a true gift to others.

  • Desire is good, but it can be distorted.
    God gives good spiritual desires, and our human desires are also good. Sin happens when we pursue those good desires in the wrong ways.

  • Shame blocks healing, but Christ redeems wounds.
    Christianity is about transformation through relationship, not behavior management. Nothing is beyond the power of the Resurrection.

  • Forgiveness and vulnerability are essential in relationships.
    Forgiveness is a grace-filled choice, not a feeling. Real healing in marriage requires empathy, honest listening, asking “Will you forgive me?”, and the courage to be vulnerable.

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • When you think about your own wounds, how do they show up in our marriage?
    Share one area where past hurts or early experiences may affect your reactions, fears, or desires. What helps you feel safe enough to open up about those places?

  • What would forgiveness or vulnerability look like for us right now?
    Is there anything unspoken between us that needs to be brought into the light? How can we listen with empathy, ask “Will you forgive me?”, and invite Jesus into that space together?



Resources:

FREE virtual workshop with Fr. Shawn:  ​​https://www.omvusa.org/our-work/virtual-workshops/path-healing-broken-hearts/

Feb 16, 2026

You can't have a healthy relationship if you don't develop the skill of communication. 

 

Summary

Marriage doesn’t drift into great communication. You have to make the time and practice on purpose. In this episode, we share simple, realistic tools to help couples break bad habits and start talking in ways that actually bring them closer. You’ll learn how to listen without fixing, reduce daily stress through connection and fun, and build rituals that create space for meaningful conversation. We talk about appreciation, gentle ways to start hard conversations, and why prayer changes everything. These aren’t abstract ideas, they’re practical habits you can try tonight. If your conversations feel rushed, tense, or nonexistent, this episode will give you hope and a clear path forward. Strong communication is possible, and it’s one of the greatest investments you can make in your marriage.  This episode accompanies MFP 368 Couple Communication in a Frantic Family! 



Key Takeaways

  • Take time to practice active listening daily.  Quietly receive your spouse's stress of the day (not in your relationship) without comments, only questions to deepen your understanding. 

  • Create and practice Rituals of Connection.  Rituals have a structure, a beginning and an end.  You should have short daily rituals like sitting on the couch, time alone after dinner, or meaningful conversation after bedtime.   

  • Make sure to include stress-reducing conversations! Not every conversation needs to be intense.  Create some boundaries and be sure to include some fun!  

  • Give each other appreciation.  Gratitude is the key to happiness.  Make sure your spouse knows how important they are to you. 

  • Practice the gentle start-up when relationship conversations need to happen.  Always keep in mind how to best communicate so your spouse can receive your words. 

  • Pray together.  Never forget that God is committed to your marriage and will give you all you need to succeed in communication! 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • When can we have one daily stress-reducing conversation?.

  • List 5 things you admire about your partner and share them.

Resources

Feb 9, 2026

"Couples often ignore each other’s emotional needs out of mindlessness, not malice."

- Dr. John Gottman

 

Summary

Let's take an honest look at how communication breaks down in busy marriages and what you can do to stop it. Most couples don’t ignore each other out of malice, but out of exhaustion, distraction, and rushed daily life. In this episode, we unpack why communication is essential for growth and connection, and how unspoken assumptions quickly lead to misunderstandings. Drawing on Dr. John Gottman’s research, we break down the Four Horsemen of Communication -  criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, and explain how they quietly damage relationships. More importantly, we share practical antidotes to each one, along with simple habits and conversations you can start using right away to communicate more clearly, stay emotionally connected, and protect your marriage from drifting apart.

 

Key Takeaways

  • Communication shapes your marriage every day. It’s not the big conversations alone that matter, but the daily responses, tone, and small interactions. You cannot grow closer without communicating, and mind-reading is not a real skill, no matter how much we wish it were.

  • Unspoken assumptions damage connection.  When couples don’t communicate, they fill in the gaps with guesses, and those guesses are often wrong. What feels obvious to you may not be obvious to your spouse.

  • If left unchecked, the Four Horsemen quietly erode relationships.  Criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling are strong predictors of marital breakdown, but couples can recognize them early and recover when they’re willing to change patterns.

  • Most conflict starts inside us, not with our spouse.  Many reactions come from fear, stress, or unresolved issues rather than our spouse’s actions. Growth begins when we take ownership and speak from vulnerability instead of blame.

  • Engaging imperfectly is better than withdrawing.  Respect, appreciation, and choosing to stay engaged, even awkwardly, protect connection. Healthy communication requires effort, humility, and the daily choice to turn toward each other.

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • Which of the Four Horsemen are threatening our relationship right now? 

  • How would you rate our communication on a scale of 1-10?  What can we do to improve this?

Resources

 

Feb 2, 2026

“Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24

Summary

In this episode, we talk about something every person longs for: belonging. At its heart, marriage is meant to be a place where you are chosen, known, and not easily walked away from. It’s a home base, the one relationship you freely choose, where staying matters more than being perfect. Belonging in marriage isn’t about constant agreement or effortless connection. It’s about knowing someone is still there when things are hard, awkward, or unfinished. Over time, that kind of commitment creates safety, trust, and real intimacy. We also explore why working through the mess together often leads to deeper joy than walking away. Join us as we begin a series on building lasting belonging in marriage, starting with the foundation of healthy communication.

Key Takeaways

  • Everyone needs a place where they Belong and that is found in marriage for Catholic couples

  • Build that home base in your marriage by affirming your commitment to each other, not just that you are doing everything perfectly.

  • Being known in marriage happens through vulnerability.  When you belong you are able to be more vulnerable. 

  • When you work as a team with common goals that also builds connection and belonging

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • How can we continue to build a safe place, a comfort in belonging to each other in our marriage? 

  • What are our shared goals and dreams? 

 

Resources

 

Jan 26, 2026

"Love of neighbor is a path that leads to the encounter with God… closing our eyes to our neighbour also blinds us to God."
- Pope Benedict XVI, God is Love

 

Summary

We begin with Love because marriage flows from our deepest identity and relationships, not just spousal dynamics. Created in the image of a loving, Triune God, we must first ask who God is and who we are in His eyes. Our relationship with God and with ourselves forms the foundation for loving others. Pope Benedict XVI’s God Is Love reveals that eros and agape are inseparable dimensions of love: we are made to give and receive love. God’s passionate, faithful love for His people—fulfilled fully in Jesus—becomes the model for marriage. In Christ, love of God and love of neighbor are one reality. Our first neighbor is our spouse, and loving them faithfully is the primary path to holiness and authentic love.

Key Takeaways

  • Love begins with God, not marriage
    Before focusing on spousal relationships, we must understand who God is and who we are in His eyes. Our identity as loved by God is the foundation for all love.

  • You cannot love others without loving God and yourself rightly
    Knowing and receiving God’s love allows us to love ourselves truthfully, which is necessary to love anyone else authentically.

  • Eros and agape belong together
    Human desire (eros) is not bad; it is purified and fulfilled by God’s unconditional love (agape). Love requires both giving and receiving.

  • God’s passionate love is revealed fully in Jesus
    Christ embodies God’s self-giving love and draws us into communion—with God and with others—especially through the Eucharist.

  • Marriage is the primary place love is lived
    Spouses are each other’s first neighbors. Loving one’s spouse faithfully is the clearest expression of love of God and the path to holiness.

 

Resources:

Pdf of encyclical:  https://www.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est.html


Join the Cana90 Fellowship:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/fellowship-form/

Jan 22, 2026

"Let us begin again, for until now we have done nothing," - Saint Francis of Assisi

Summary

As a new year begins, many of us focus on where we fell short instead of how we’ve grown. In this episode, Mike and Alicia invite parents and couples to reflect on the past year by celebrating the gains—not just the gaps—and to recognize the common traps that keep us stuck, like doing too much, being too busy, comparing ourselves to others, or letting our loves get out of order. From there, they share five foundational ways to begin again and make this year better—not perfect, but better: growing in your relationship with God, becoming more fully who God made you to be, investing intentionally in your marriage, being present and purposeful with your children, and choosing real community. You don’t have to plan everything—just put the big rocks in place and start again together. 

 

Key Takeaways

  • Start Right Now: Commit to Growing in Your Relationship with God Commit to Becoming More Fully Yourself Invest in Your Marriage—Starting With Yourself Be Intentional With Your Children Choose Community

 

Couple Discussion Questions

  • How can we "begin again" together

  • Which of these take aways are most impactful for us?

 

Jan 5, 2026

Summary

This episode revisits one of the most helpful and down-to-earth conversations on the Messy Family Podcast: Family Board Meeting 2.0. It starts with a simple but challenging idea. We put a lot of thought into our jobs, but when it comes to family life, many of us are just trying to keep up. Between work, kids’ schedules, and everyday stress, it’s easy to drift into survival mode. A Family Board Meeting is a chance to pause, breathe, and get back on the same page. It’s not about being perfect or fixing everything. It’s about choosing to lead your family with intention. The episode walks through why these meetings matter, how to keep them practical, and how to avoid turning them into a blame-filled marathon. You’ll hear encouragement to dream a little, pick a few priorities, write them down, and actually enjoy the process. Think unity, clarity, and maybe even dinner and a glass of wine along the way.

Key Takeaways

Intentional families don’t happen by accident. A Family Board Meeting is about choosing the important over the merely urgent.

The goal is unity, not perfection. Unity is essential for your children and for your own personal growth.

Dream big, plan simple, act now. You can’t do everything. That’s okay. Choose the top two or three areas that really matter right now.

Failure is part of the process—and that’s normal.  Fail fast, refine, and keep moving forward.

Make it human—and even fun.  You’re building a life together, not just a to-do list.

Couple Discussion Questions

When can we have these intentional conversations?  Should we do a FBM course? 

Get the course here:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/

Get your free guide here: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/family-board-meeting-guide/

 

1