“Instead of trying to protect yourself through your fear, learn to live dangerously! – by doing and saying what you think, know, and believe to be right, by not caring that you may be mistaken at times”
~ Dr. Conrad Barrs, Born Only Once: the Miracle of Affirmation
Unfortunately, we live in a Pinterest-perfect, commercialized, consumerist culture that is looking for the top of the line in everything. What happens when that attitude bleeds into our parenting? How does it affect our kids when we start demanding perfection from them instead of delighting in who they are? In this podcast, we dive into the concept of “affirmation” and examine how essential it is that our children receive affirmation from us. When a person is affirmed, they are not afraid to take risks, to be vulnerable, or to fail. They know they are loved for who they are, not what they do. They are delighted in and they know it. Childhood should be a process of a person receiving these messages from their parent so they can become who they were born to be. Listen in as we discuss the effects of affirmation, practical ways to affirm children, and what affirmation is NOT. The reference for this podcast is the book Born Only Once, by Dr. Conrad Barrs.
“One earns Paradise with one’s daily task.” ~ Saint Gianna Beretta Molla
Chores, laundry, meal preparation, etc, etc…. It never ends! But even this part of family life is an area in which God wants to enter into our lives and teach us to be holy. Yes, there are very practical aspects of family life that we need to just get done, but HOW we do them will effect our growth as a Catholic family. Listen in to this podcast where we discuss how we do chores, laundry, and our family’s schedule. Things change over the years and its important that we realize that being flexible is one of the keys to keeping family life peaceful. Finding new chore charts, routines, and assignments at home is one way that parents can keep themselves and their kids on their toes and learning how to serve each other. The home is the training ground for life!
Stefanick Date Night Sign Up: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-chris-natalie-stefanick/
Over the years, we have met many couples, ordinary people, who have been able to come to a deeper understanding of God’s love for them and the importance of their marriage because of the challenges that have come up in their lives. Many of these stories are inspiring, so we decided to share some of them with you. We interviewed three couples from our Messy Family Neighborhood who have faced challenges in their marriage that they have been able to learn from by God’s grace. Billy and Lori are a young couple who needed to learn how to operate as a family and not as “married individuals”. David and Erin are a military family who dealt with the dangers of military conflict as well as long deployments. Bill and Lisa have three children with various special needs who forced them to adjust their expectations of family life and prioritize each other even when their children’s needs seemed overwhelming. We all need to hear stories of God’s grace acting in the lives of other people to be inspired and encouraged. Listen in and enjoy.
The world says husbands and wives have the same or even interchangeable roles. Some fundamentalist Christians and even Catholics say wives should let their husbands decide everything (even in regards to sexual intimacy!) and wives should obey as long as it is not immoral. This way of thinking does not reflect the rich, intricate, dynamic teachings of the Church in regards to men and women. A true Catholic marriage calls men and women to act in complementarity so they both become who God is calling them to be. Listen in while we unpack this controversial but essential topic on the role of a wife in a marriage. (podcast on a husband’s role in marriage coming soon!)
You try your hardest to raise your teenagers with patience, honesty and good manners, but they still end up being like you.
– Anonymous
There is much confusion among teens today around the crucial questions of life and we believe it is because too many parents are not taking up their essential role in their children’s lives. During adolescence, the parent-child relationship is crucial especially for the parent of the same sex. Fathers teach boys how to be men, and mothers teach girls how to be women. It’s never too early to start thinking about how to handle this period of transition from childhood to adulthood. We have seen over the years some families who do this transition very well, and unfortunately some that don’t. Listen in to this podcast as we discuss things we have done with our teens, five of whom are now adults, and how we continue to learn about this wonderful stage of parenting that brings its own joys and challenges.
We discuss these resources in our podcast today:
After attending our niece’s wedding recently, we had some time to reflect on the significance of marriage not only in our own lives today but how being married prepares us for our eternal unity with God. The church teaches clearly that marriage is a foreshadowing of the unity between Christ, the Bridegroom, and the Church, His Bride. This reality should impact our marriages greatly! We need to allow this truth to change us and make us even more serious about deepening our relationship with our spouse. Listen in for some inspiration about marriage, weddings, and even religious vocations. This conversation will inspire and encourage you!
Family Board Meeting Workshop: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/
Lenten program for couples: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/
Mother Daughter course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/women-signup/
Dads vs Wild course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/
“Teaching kids how to handle money is more than dollars and cents, it’s about character and responsibility” - Dave Ramsey
Handling money is a subject that can bring about strong emotion in couples, but it's a life skill that we need to teach our children! How we use money reflects our values, and if we want to intentionally train our children and instill in them our deeply held beliefs, then we need to teach them how to use money. Like most things we do as parents, teaching isn’t just talking. Children learn by example, they learn by asking questions, and most importantly, they learn by doing. In this podcast we take some time to explain how we have taught our kids how to use money and how they have taken these lessons into adulthood. Although we don’t propose to have all the answers, we do share how we have handled allowances, paying kids for chores, children contributing to the household, and children taking care of their own expenses. Listen in for some fun conversation and inspiration!
The family is a kind of school of deeper humanity. But if it is to achieve the full flowering of its life and mission, it needs the kindly communion of minds and the joint deliberation of spouses. Gaudium et Spes 52.
How do you live life intentionally? You plan for it! And when you are a family, that plan starts with taking some time to have a “deep dive” conversation with your spouse. A tool we have designed to guide this conversation is called “The Family Board Meeting”. Think about it this way, your family is your own little corporation and you are president of the board. Well, maybe not exactly, but you and your spouse are the partners in running your home, and how can you do that effectively without a plan? Once a year it’s a good idea to get away, dream a little and set some goals. The most important part of this conversation is not making the perfect goals or having the ultimate budget or schedule. It's actually about having a unified vision as a couple for what you want your family to be. That’s what it’s all about. Listen in as we discuss this valuable tool for you and your family. (This podcast is a throwback to 2015!)
Free Webinar and Worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/
Family Board Meeting Workshop: https://messyfamilyhood.com/family-board-meeting-registration/
Mother Daughter course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/women-signup/
Dads vs Wild course: https://messyfamilyhood.com/dadsvswild/
Having all our adult children along with our grandchildren at our house over the holidays reminded us that all the sacrifices we have made over the years (and continue to make!) are all worth it. We thought our listeners would enjoy hearing from our kids’ perspective what worked for them and what didn’t, what we taught them intentionally or unintentionally, and how these lessons affect them now as adults. We tell parents all the time that is so important to imagine what you want your kids to look like when they are adults, and we have tried to live that out ourselves. Some topics we discuss in this conversation are the importance of forgiveness, “adulting”, managing teens, allowing kids to fail, and communicating respect for children so they know their voice matters. We hope you enjoy listening to this conversation because we enjoyed having it!
New MFP Guide to Screens and Your Child: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/screens-and-your-child-guide/
Family Board Meeting: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/
Lovers do “for love” what never would be done for a reason, or a rule, or a doctrine or a law. True love “loves” and needs to suffer — not for suffering’s sake alone, but for the sake of what we know is only gained on the other side of suffering: Joy. - Damon Owens
Damon and Melanie Owens have been serving couples throughout most of their 27 years of marriage and now they have launched their own marriage ministry called Joyfully Ever After. Damon has been the executive director of the Theology of the Body Institute and, with Melanie, they have trained over 20,000 couples in marriage, NFP and in the beauty of the Theology of the Body. In this interview we discuss some of the greatest needs they see in marriages today, what to do if your spouse is unwilling to work on the marriage, and how to increase intimacy in marriage. Like us, they offer practical tools for living Catholic life with authenticity and joy. Listen in as we dive into our conversation with this inspiring Catholic couple.
Damon and Melanie’s ministry to marriage: https://www.joyfuleverafter.org/
New MFP Guide to Screens and Your Child: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/screens-and-your-child-guide/
*** Support our ministry: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/
The Advent season is more than just a countdown to Christmas. It is a time of preparation for the coming of Christ – His coming at Christmas and His second coming. The Church gives us many beautiful traditions to help us lead our children to focus on more than just presents and treats, but instead on the true celebration of the gift of Jesus! In this podcast we share some ideas and inspiration on what we do for Advent and how to inspire your family in this journey to Bethlehem.
Download our free guide to Advent and Christmas at : https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/advent-2021/
Previous podcasts of interest:
Jeff Cavins is the author is the Bible Timeline, the tool behind the hit podcast “The Bible in a Year” with Fr. Mike Schmitz. Jeff and his wife Emily have studied, taught, and led thousands of people into a deeper relationship with the Word of God through their books, talks, and guided tours. They have a heart for families and a desire to teach parents how to teach their children! On this podcast, we discuss teaching scripture to our children and learning why it is so important that parents do this. Not only do the Cavins have great insight, but they also have developed tools for parents to use in their own homes! Listen in as we learn more about their work and how they are continuing to serve the Church by helping families fall in love with the Word of God.
If you would like to the video recording, sign up here: messyfamilyproject.com/date-night-with-the-cavins
Advent Email Campaign Sign up: messyfamilyproject.org/advent-2021/
Cruise Info: messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/
Jeff's Website and Pilgrimage Information: https://www.jeffcavins.com/
We love interacting with our listeners and one way we do this is by taking your questions! Katie (Hernon) Gamboa joins us again to sit in as the “Every-mom” and ask us the questions that our members have sent in to us to be answered. Per usual, there is a variety of subjects that we cover in this episode. One mom is struggling with spiritual desolation and a husband who is agnostic. A dad dealing with addiction reached out for encouragement and advice on relating to his wife during recovery. We also touch on lighter topics such as laundry routines, having fun with your kids, and navigating the secular Christmas trappings that are all around us. And we always have questions about toddlers, so that topic is in here too! Thank you to all who sent in their questions - we hope we have done them justice!
Link to FANOS: https://hopehousehealing.com/learn/fanos
Link to Cruise: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cruise/
All of us need community and having people in your home is a great way to make them feel loved and to experience a little bit of heaven. But so many of us have “hostess anxiety” and feel like our home, our cooking, or our kids aren’t good enough to be exposed to others. The reality is that we all need to practice hospitality, but not everyone has been trained how to be a good host! In this episode we do just that! After giving some inspiration, we go through some practical tips that we have found over the past 30 years for entertaining large groups, small groups, people with kids, or a group of couples. Getting together is worth it! Listen in and then subscribe and share!
In this episode, we continue the conversation on spiritual freedom with Matt and Jen Lozano from Heart of the Father Ministries and we get practical! Matt and Jen walk us through the process of defining the lies of the enemy and breaking their power over us. This all begins with repentance and forgiveness. Then, we have to renounce these lies, just like we do in confession, and engage in the grace that is there for us. Last we need to receive the blessing of the Father, which is the deepest longing of our hearts. In this podcast, all of us share examples of how this process has transformed our relationship with God and we talk about the importance of blessing our children, which creates in their heart a place to receive the blessing of God the Father. Listen in to the conversation!
Parents feel like failures almost every day, but this is the lie of the enemy! We are so excited to share with you this interview with Matt and Jen Lozano, speakers and teachers for Heart of the Father Ministries. They have worked with people all over the world, hearing their stories, praying with them, and leading them to freedom. In our discussion, we talk about some essential spiritual issues which are so vital to parents’ ability to pass on the faith to their kids. In this first part of our conversation, we talk about recognizing the lies that we believe, renouncing them, and choosing the good. So many of us believe lies from our past which keep us trapped in a “small story” but when we allow Jesus to free us, He brings us into a larger story, the story of truth. Please listen in to this powerful podcast.
When families act as they were created to be they can be a powerful force of transformation and renewal in the world because the Catholic family has what the world is looking for. Every person has a deep need for belonging and relationship, which is naturally found within family and ultimately satisfied by God the Father. In this presentation, we will discuss how to cultivate these relationships and give an uplifting vision for how the family can be fully alive and change the world.
We all realize there is a war on the family, right? But do you understand where it is coming from? And what the goal is? You can’t fight a war when you don’t know who the enemy is and what they want. In this podcast we identify the enemies of the family as socialism, feminism, and sexual radicalism. The ultimate goal of these “-isms” is the separation of children from their parents. Make no mistake, we do not fight against physical kingdoms, but against “principalities and powers” as it says in the scriptures. This fight is being waged in the world of philosophy and ideas which have been infiltrating into our society, our politics, and now even our education system. These roots are deep and have been growing for years, but we are just now seeing their ugly fruit. We would like you to take some time to understand how your understanding of the roles of mothers, fathers, children, and the family as a social unit has been effected by these philosophies. It goes deeper than you think! This podcast was inspired by and draws from The Invincible Family by Kimberly Ells. Listen in and join the conversation.
Forgiveness is becoming a lost practice in our increasingly secular world which we believe is one reason for the fracturing of our society. We are always going to offend each other. People are always going to sin against their fellow man. Those offenses and sins cause distance between us. How can they be repaired? Forgiveness. In this podcast, we define what it means to forgive someone and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. We also discuss having good boundaries when you forgive and how to make sure those boundaries don’t become a wall between you and those in your community. And last we give you all a challenge, a forgiveness challenge, set out by one of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, which promises to set you free and draw you closer to Christ and others.
Join us for a special date night with Jeff and Emily Cavins: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/date-night-with-the-cavins/
Events calendar: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/
We talk a lot on our program about the “messy-ness” of life, but we thought it would be good to take some time to unpack why exactly we use this term and why it's so important to every family. Every family is a messy family because we live in a broken, fallen world and we constantly are trying to repair relationships and situations that have ruptured. Why is it so important to recognize this? Because if we deny or ignore this reality, or try to control our situation and make it neat and perfect, we will only end up frustrating ourselves and making the situation worse. Families need to embrace the mess knowing that they are exactly where God wants them to be.
All of us deal with fears in life and overcoming them is the key to living in freedom in your relationships. People have anxieties about all sorts of things, but within your spouse you should be able to find a safe place. Within marriage is where you should be able to admit your fears, have them be seen in the light of truth, and then overcome them through action. Listen in while we discuss how you can recognize ways in which fear is holding you back from true connection with your spouse and ways to conquer that fear.
For more on this and other topics related to marriage, parenting and family life at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/
Divorce is so common in our culture today that the effects of it on children can easily be dismissed. Almost every couple who gets married has a family member whose life was affected by divorce, so we can think it must not be a big deal. But those people who are adult children of divorce will tell you that it is. It is a wound they carry their whole lives, but because of Jesus and His power over sin and death that wound can actually be transformed and become a life-giving wound. Dan and Beth Meola are the founders of the ministry “Life Giving Wounds” which serves those adults whose parents have divorced. Their compassion, wisdom, and vulnerability in sharing their own stories is inspiring and encouraging. Listen in to this conversation even if you are not an adult child of divorce. It will give you insights that you have not considered before regarding this pervasive issue in our society.
Parenting kids in a tech age; Teaching kids virtue in an age of tech; Is it possible to use tech with virtue?
“It is your responsibility to train your child in virtue and slowly move from protecting their innocence to building Christian maturity. This is true for many areas of life, including use of technology” - Mike and Alicia Hernon
We have talked about the harm that the overuse of screens can do to kids and especially teens, but in this podcast we give parents some ways that they can be proactive in this world of Big Tech. Screens are here to stay, so parents need to take them on as another area in which they need to train their children in virtue. Do not lose heart! It is possible to have virtuous kids who are on social media, play video games, and interact with others online. Listen in as we show you how.
Referenced in this episode
Catholic Youth Summer Camp - https://cysc.com/
Messy Family Membership - https://messyfamilyhood.com/join-neighborhood/
Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/
Family Dance-Off: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/dance-off/
At the suggestion of our members, we talked MONEY with Sam and Rob Fatzinger, parents of 14 and authors of the new book A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More. This conversation was insightful and full of great ideas for you and your families! Money is a hot button topic for many couples and we need to find ways to use our resources wisely especially when you have a larger family and live on one income. Rob and Sam show us that it is possible! Plus, living simply has other benefits such as the lessons it teaches our children, care for the environment, and a greater respect for the goods of the earth. Listen in to this fun conversation with the Fatzingers and the members of the Messy Family Neighborhood.